“Any Questions?” Isn’t a Strategy—It’s a Setup.
We say “Any questions?” but our tone, pace, and posture often say, “Please don’t.” If we want deeper conversations, we have to offer real invitations—not just rhetorical placeholders.
I saw this classroom graphic and immediately thought: this isn’t just about teachers—it’s about coaches. I think this is relevant to the work we do in #TeamsOfMen because as coaches we tend to use the phrase "make sense" or "any questions" (I know I always say "questions problems concerns") but then NEVER give real permission for any of those to take place with our guys.
The truth is, we often say these types of lines in timeouts or team practice right after we’ve steamrolled through 90 seconds of tactics. We don’t really want questions. We want compliance.
And if we’re doing that during something as simple as play design, imagine the message that sends when something deeper is on the line.
If our players don’t feel like they can ask about a rotation or speak up about a drill, how can we expect them to speak up about real-life stuff?
This list of re-phrased prompts isn’t just a teacher thing—it’s a list of invitations. Invitations to think, to explore, to question. Maybe they won't take that invitation at first. But if you never extend it? That’s on you.
Coach Prompt: “What’s your default phrase when you “open it up” to your players—and what would it sound like if you actually meant it?”
Optional Player Prompt: “What’s a time when you wanted to ask something in practice or film... but didn’t feel like it was really okay?”
#ThinkingEnvironment #CoachPrompt #Communication #TeamsOfMen #PracticeCulture
When Coaches Look Away (And Why Their Players Might Be Too)
If you’ve ever heard something in the locker room and looked away, you’re not alone—but you’re also not off the hook. Growth doesn’t happen in silence. It starts the moment you choose to stay in the room.
There’s this quote I saved that I’ve never stopped thinking about:
“To locate the problem is to become the location of the problem.” – Sara Ahmed (via Nicole Bedera)
And in my experience as a coach for 23 years, I am FINE (maybe even eager) to use film and reflection to locate issues in our PLAY on the court. I want the film to show me who didn’t rotate correctly, who missed an assignment or why we turned the ball over.
But when it comes to character issues, we as a group tend to “choose the matrix” so to speak. Because to locate misogyny, to find racism, or to see harm being caused by our guys (or ourselves) to is to have to deal with it. And that is why this quote made our blog this AM.
What we let go—what we pretend not to hear—what we hope someone else addresses? That’s not culture. That’s avoidance.
If we want our players to grow, we’ve got to be willing to be the location. Not just for blame, but for change.
Coach Prompt: “What’s one “joke,” phrase, or behavior your team has normalized that you’ve never actually addressed?”
Optional Player Prompt: “When have you looked the other way—because calling something out felt too risky?”
#CoachPrompt #Accountability #SilenceCulture #PowerDynamics #EmotionalFluency
“Every Man Understands Consent.” Read That Again.
Consent isn’t complicated. Coaches just don’t always like when it applies to how we lead. This reflection isn’t just about sex ed—it’s about power, trust, and what we model every day in the program.
You ever see something online that hits you so hard you have to scroll back up and read it twice?
That was me with this:
“Touch his car. His phone. His wallet. His daughter. His ego. His reputation. His masculinity. Every man understands consent.” — Tim Gathima
Pair that with the photo of men wearing “Consent Is Simple” buttons at a rally, and you get something undeniable. Consent isn’t confusing. It’s just selectively respected.
That hits home for coaches, too. Because what we’re modeling in our programs isn’t just about dating or sexual boundaries—it’s about how we handle power, control, and respect in any context. Are we building environments where players feel safe saying “no”? To a drill? A bus conversation? A joke in the locker room?
Consent isn’t a lesson for them. It’s a mirror for us.
Coach Prompt: When’s the last time your players felt like they could say “No” to something you asked—without punishment, sarcasm, or backlash?
Optional Player Prompt: What’s one thing you’ve gone along with—on a team, in a group—because it felt like you couldn’t say no?
#Consent #CoachPrompt #PowerDynamics #EmotionalFluency #LockerRoomLeadership
“You’re Not Soft If You Say I Love You” — Lou Roe on What Calipari Gave Him
Lou Roe didn’t remember the plays—he remembered the permission. What his coach gave him wasn’t just confidence, but the courage to say “I love you” without fear of being seen as weak.
I was recently down a rabbit hole of old ESPN 30 for 30s, and got caught watching about 20 minutes of the “One and Not Done” documentary revolving around John Calipari. I watched the portion dedicated to his rise at UMASS and his time with players like Marcus Camby and Lou Roe in the mid 90s. What really hit me was the interview with Roe, where he credited his coach with teaching emotional connection and vulnerability, and he literally said “He taught us love for another man. Cal gave me this…you’re not soft if you say I love you.” While you may very well have an opinion on Coach Cal the marketer, the influencer, etc, this reflection from a former player was refreshing for me to see. It is EXACTLY what we want our TeamsOfMen partner coaches to be leaving, in terms of legacy, with their guys.
Coach Prompt:
What’s something you’ve wanted to say to your players… but haven’t, because you were afraid it might “soften” your image?
Optional Player Prompt:
What’s a time when a coach said something to you that stuck—not because it was loud, but because it was real?
#CoachPrompt #EmotionalFluency #30for30 #HealthyManhood #Calipari