Bare Minimum Isn't Character

This post (originally put on IG by @atiyataranyak) is an immediate use for your coaching staff (and maybe a deep, long reflection with yourself).

I have long said in TeamsOfMen sessions, “You don’t get a cookie for keeping your hands to yourself. That is bare minimum expectation.”

And I wonder what reactions you will get with both that line and this graphic (which by the way, includes 3–4 more slides of these interrogating type questions and frames).

It also does a great job of identifying real steps to courage in young men’s lives. These three on this slide alone clearly lay out times in your life where you WILL be faced with a decision to participate in bullshit OR call it out and interrupt it.

And by doing so, you WILL be risking status with your peer group...and even an uncomfortable realization with yourself that “Damn, I can’t be that guy anymore.”

As a coaching community, we are very comfortable establishing the baseline minimum skillsets we require for playing time. We tell kids all the time that “in this program, we ALWAYS _____” and then list out things we do on the field and court that are expectations of every play, snap or at bat.

And when those expectations aren't met, we don't just shrug and say, “Well, at least he didn't do something worse.” We coach it. We rep it. We hold him accountable to it.

So why are we going around championing the “good dudes” we have when they are simply “not rapists”?

What are we actually asking them to DO?

When their boys start rating girls' bodies, do they participate? Stay quiet? Or interrupt it? When one of their teammates starts policing what his girlfriend wears, does anyone challenge him? Or do they decide that's just relationship stuff and none of their business?

Because those are choices. Those are behaviors. And those are things we can actually coach.

I don't need my players to tell me they're good dudes. I need them to demonstrate what being a good dude LOOKS like when doing so might cost them something.

And if we're comfortable demanding that kind of repetition to make them better basketball players, why wouldn't we demand it to help them become better men?

COACH PROMPTS

• What behaviors do you currently praise as evidence of good character that might actually be nothing more than meeting the bare minimum?

• If you asked your players to finish the sentence “In our program, we ALWAYS _____” with expectations for how they treat women and girls, what would they say?

• When have you personally chosen to stay quiet rather than challenge another man's behavior because speaking up might cost you status or acceptance?

PLAYER PROMPTS

• What's something guys get praised for NOT doing that you think should simply be a bare minimum expectation?

• If your friends started rating girls' bodies on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you actually do? What might it cost you socially to challenge them?

• Think about a time you laughed along with, stayed quiet about, or participated in something you now recognize was wrong. What would you do differently if it happened again?

The Saturday Script.

Listen, I’m as big a football fan as there is.

Between the Dallas Cowboys, the Oregon Ducks and Notre Dame, I can spend a large chunk of any weekend locked into multiple TV sets, ranting and raving about the goings on of the gridiron.

But, to be truthful, the stat above, released by RAINN recently, doesn’t shock me at all.

Many of us have tailgated before a big game. Many of us have hosted a watch party for a big game. Many of us have celebrated after a big game.

The recipe stays the same: Food, friends, ENERGY, and ALCOHOL. For hours before, during and after.

Now, couple that with the idea that this script plays out across the country every weekend in the Fall and early Winter, and you certainly can see how these settings can create opportunities for harm.

And as I am writing this, I’m also wondering if my short description is doing too much caping for “the scene” as the culprit and not enough pointing the finger where it belongs: At the men who decide that this “story” of a great Saturday always needs to end with their “getting some ass.”

We’re gonna play beer pong, then we’re going to take a stroll around the parking lot, check out the “local talent” and then hone in on whoever we decide we're entitled to see naked. Call it what it is: that's a predatory landscape ripe with folks living out their sexual conquest fantasy.

I would normally share the RAINN recommendations with you here for how to reduce risk…and sure, you should read them here and you should share them with your team.

But, as you know if you’ve been reading me lately, I don't think sharing recommendations, by itself, gets us anywhere near the work that needs to happen.

You’re going to have to challenge them. Call them out, raise your voice…then stand side by side with them as you get them to walk the path honestly for a “good weekend with the boys.”

What do they see? What do they hope for? Who do they see being necessary in the space besides their dudes? Because they are, if you have the honest relationship you claim to have, they are going to say “Coach, there’s gotta be some girls.”

GOOD. Now we're getting somewhere.

Because my next question is going to be WHY?

Why does a weekend with your boys REQUIRE access to girls? What are you hoping happens when you find them? And what happens when what YOU want isn't what THEY want?

Who among your boys is willing to say something when the plan starts moving from having a good time to treating someone else like the prize for having one?

And who gets laughed at, dismissed, or told to quit ruining the night when he does?

THAT is the conversation I want coaches having. Not because we can guarantee what every one of our players will do on a Saturday night, but because we can challenge the expectations they carry into it. The food isn't the problem. The football isn't the problem. And the presence of women certainly isn't the problem.

The problem is the men who believe a good weekend entitles them to someone else's body. And the other men who help make that belief feel normal.

COACH PROMPTS

• When was the last time you asked your players to describe what a great weekend with their friends actually looks like, rather than simply reminding them to make good choices?

• How comfortable are you challenging the expectation that women should be part of a successful night out for your male athletes?

• If a player told you his teammates were pressuring him to help them “get some,” what would you want him to be prepared to say or do?

PLAYER PROMPTS

• When you and your friends plan a night out, what makes you decide afterward that it was a GOOD night?

• If one of your boys said, “There's gotta be some girls,” what do you think he actually means? What expectations come with that statement?

• What happens in your friend group when someone challenges the way another guy is talking about or treating women?

You. Could. Require. More.

A play in three parts here today for our TeamsOfMen blog (shoutout to Inner Circle member and long time practitioner Coach Chris Horton of Warren Wilson for the article share).

Step one: LA Rams offensive lineman is arrested on suspicion of felony domestic violence in June 2026. He was also previously suspended by the NFL following allegations that he recorded sexual acts without his partner's consent. The civil lawsuit related to those allegations was later dismissed.

Step two: The Rams acknowledged awareness of the arrest in June 2026, stating they were gathering information and declining deeper public comment while the matter played out through legal channels. Jackson's case was eventually assigned to a prefiling diversion program that included anger management classes. No criminal charges were filed.

Step three: See for yourself (via the video of the postgame incident between Jackson and Buffalo Bills defensive end Bradley Chubb) how well that strategy and “remedy” played out.

Of course this is an emotional fluency issue. Of course this is a behavior choice in a high-stakes moment issue. Of course this is an example of a man highly fluent in anger and violence as his tools in conflict. But more importantly, this is why sports “teaching life lessons” is such a misnomer if it doesn’t include repeated, intentional repetition within a team/program/organization.

And here's where my frustration with the Rams comes in.

What evidence do we have that the LA Rams have actually “helped” Alaric Jackson? Beyond allowing him to complete the requirements of a diversion program, what have THEY done to help him develop different tools for handling conflict?

Because from the outside, it sure looks like the priority has been finding ways to keep him on the field on game days.

I don't know what has happened inside their building. But I do know what we've seen outside of it. And I think it's fair to ask whether whatever they've been doing is enough.

I would pay someone a lot of money to give me access to both HC Sean McVay’s conversation with Jackson after this punch...but also what he says to the team as a whole. Hell, I’d pay to be in the staff meeting where he and the O-line coach have to decide what accountability should actually look like.

Because now the NFL has suspended Jackson for two games without pay. And that's a consequence. But what happens beyond those two games?

What does the RAMS organization require of him?

What evidence of growth do they demand before simply putting him back on the field?

You could require verifiable proof over repeated exposure to stress where he was responding with restraint and nuance, rather than putting his hands on someone.

You could make clear that completing anger management classes isn't the same thing as demonstrating that you've learned how to manage anger.

You could.

Will you?

And that’s yet another example of “courage in the moment” being a cool slogan that very few of us live up to when it might cost us something.

COACH PROMPTS

• When a player in your program repeatedly responds to conflict with aggression, what evidence of actual behavioral change do you require beyond completing a punishment or intervention?

• Have you ever confused keeping a talented player eligible with actually helping him grow as a person?

• If one of your best players punched an opponent after a game, what would accountability look like beyond whatever suspension your league imposed?

PLAYER PROMPTS

• What's the difference between completing anger management classes and actually demonstrating that you can handle anger differently?

• When a teammate repeatedly makes harmful choices, what responsibility do you have beyond telling him to calm down or stay out of trouble?

• If your coach told you that you could return to the team only after demonstrating real growth, what evidence would you offer to prove you've changed?

Who Owns the Captain?

Timely situation here, given that we are all living in the wake of the Cornell gang r*** incident, AND for me personally, I was literally planning a presentation with a colleague yesterday that deals with “what does ACCOUNTABILITY actually look like?”

I won’t claim to have all the details about this situation in California, just what you can read HERE. But here's what we know. A football captain at Piner High School in Santa Rosa posted “Free the Cornell 7” on his IG. More than 200 students subsequently walked OUT of class in protest over what they saw as a lack of accountability. The football team then forfeited its next game, although the reported reason was a shortage of healthy players, not a disciplinary decision.

First, I give a TON of credit to the students who walked. That is taking matters into your own hands, standing up with action for what you believe in and forcing the powers that be to see and feel your rage at what appeared to be apathy to the post. And while I don't know what conversations happened inside that football program, I sure hope there were some difficult ones.

Now, this is as cut-and-dried a TeamsOfMen activatable conversation as we’ve had in awhile. Put up the idea that “one of us posts ‘Free the Cornell 7’”…and then simply ask “What should happen?” and wait for the responses.

I would imagine you are going to get a ton of guys saying “well, HE should pay a price, but NOT us” and to that I tell you, “That is EXACTLY where your convo needs to take place.”

Because the “captain” was either chosen via VOTE…or via promotion. Either way that is a decision made by the players or staff that “he represents US.”

Now, that doesn't mean every player on that team agrees with what he posted. It doesn't mean they all deserve the same consequence. But it DOES mean they have to confront what it means when someone chosen to represent them acts in a way that contradicts what they claim their team stands for.

If your captain represents US, what responsibility do WE have when he does something like this? Is removing him as captain enough? Is sitting him for a game enough? Is making the entire team forfeit a game accountability? Or is it simply punishment? And who gets to decide what is ENOUGH?

I would hope that somewhere inside that program, coaches and players are having a discussion around “What he posted CANNOT represent us. What are WE going to do to demonstrate that?”

Because accountability cannot simply be something that happens TO a person. There has to be some responsibility taken by the people and institutions that gave him the platform in the first place. And if we are serious about building teams where “we are our brother's keeper” actually means something, we better be willing to wrestle with what that responsibility looks like when our brother is the one causing harm.

COACH PROMPTS

• When a player you've entrusted with leadership causes harm, what responsibility do you have for how your program responds?

• What's the difference between holding an entire team accountable and simply punishing an entire team?

• If your players disagreed with your response to a teammate's harmful behavior, would they feel empowered to challenge you?

PLAYER PROMPTS

• If one of your teammates posted “Free the Cornell 7,” what do you think should happen to him? What responsibility, if any, would the rest of you have?

• If you voted someone into a leadership position and they did something that violated your team's values, would you feel responsible for doing anything about it?

• What's the difference between saying “That doesn't represent us” and actually doing something to prove it?

It’s a YOU Thing

My family and I used to watch a ton of Saturday Night Live.

It was one of the few programs where there was something in the hour that all 5 of us MIGHT laugh at…or at the very least, all 5 of us could agree we all loathed together and discuss why.

We don’t watch as much as we used to (Weekend Update is still something we will try to catch up on together during the week), and I have struggled for awhile to name exactly why.

It could be the rotating cast. It could be the shift in the writers' room. It could be, at least for me, that it’s really hard to laugh at sketches depicting the Orange Menace in the White House (and his legion of cronies) doing things that are actually evil.

For whatever reason, we don’t keep up with it as steadily as before.

So I didn’t see Shane Gillis' stand-up monologue this past weekend. I did, however, see the instant reaction on social media around the joke he told (click on the screengrab above for a clip) about what women wear in gyms. And, if I’m being honest, what he said is a topic that has come up almost every single year I’ve tried to teach theTeamsOfMen philosophy with young men, whether that be in college or in high school.

Namely, women’s workout clothes and the guys in the same gym catcalling, staring, or making comments about their bodies.

I’m not going to claim some Puritan level of innocence here.

I’ve been the twenty-something-year-old guy who comes back from a lift and tells his wife, “Did you see what she was wearing today?” I’ve also been the thirty-something-year-old coach who tells his guys, “Get your eyes up and focus on your own lift man. Jesus,” when I catch a group of dudes cackling about a woman on the squat rack.

And now, as a man in my forties, I can recognize that both of those moments were opportunities to examine something about myself, not the woman in the gym.

Two of the most impactful statements I’ve encountered around this topic, when I’ve broached it with women in my life, are:

• “She didn’t wake up this morning, and while getting ready for her workout, say ‘Boy, I can’t wait to turn dudes on in Planet Fitness today.’”

• “Have you been to Dick’s Sporting Goods as a woman looking to buy workout clothes? You think the racks in there are stuffed with baggy sweats and hoodies for the gym?”

I would absolutely bring this topic up with your team.

I would absolutely launch a discussion with “What did you think about the Shane Gillis monologue this weekend?”

I would absolutely lead with “My dudes, I’ve been there. I’ve seen what you’re seeing. And I’ve also decided that it’s on ME to not think like a Neanderthal and go about my damn business.”

Because noticing someone is attractive isn't the issue. What you decide you're entitled to do with that observation IS. There comes a point where, as a coach of men, you can lay out that failure in a moment happens to us all, but the real issue comes when you recognize that the failure (or in this case, the ogling of someone on a deadlift) is a YOU THING.

It is not a them thing.

It isn't her job to dress differently so you can behave appropriately.

It isn't her job to change her workout because you can't control where your eyes go.

And it sure as hell isn't her job to make you comfortable with the fact that she's there to work out, not to be evaluated by you.

They have every right to expect to show up to leg day free of being watched, commented on, or turned into somebody else's entertainment. They have every right to expect to show up to their workout not having to worry about what angle to do their lifts from because of some dude in the corner who can't mind his own business.

That's a responsibility we can teach our boys to own. And one we should be willing to own ourselves.

COACH PROMPTS

• When your athletes joke about a woman's body or clothing, do you challenge the behavior or just tell them to stop because it's inappropriate?

• What have you personally had to unlearn about women's clothing, attraction, and your own entitlement to comment?

• What happens when a joke from someone like Shane Gillis becomes permission for similar language in your team room?

PLAYER PROMPTS

• When you notice someone attractive at the gym, what choices do you have about what happens next?

• Have you ever blamed someone's clothing for the way you or your friends behaved toward them?

• If a woman knew everything your teammates said about her after she left the gym, would she still feel comfortable working out alongside you?

50+ Reasons for Hope

I’m not going to lie…I’ve had a hard time the last 48 hours finding a topic to use this space for.

I’ve been as busy as ever, in terms of in-person TeamsOfMen presentations, meetings, Zooms, etc, but the usual part of my day that is easiest for me (finding a current event in sports/pop culture to blog about here) has been difficult.

I don’t think it’s due to a sudden moral climb in the world (there’s plenty of awful still in all the feeds and inboxes I use to find topics).

Maybe it’s from the very human need for a refill of capacity and/or HOPE.

I got a jolt of that from my in-person parent night with moms and dads of male athletes at Catlin Gabel HS. 50+ parents filled a forum where I we worked through various topics and pain points that could be taking up space (physically, mentally, and emotionally) in their boys’ lives.

We talked for 90 minutes about:

• The Cornell 7×57

• AI Deepfakes

• Gambling

• Laughter as Currency

• “As a Man, I Gotta”

• Grifters

And we didn't just TALK. We tried to rep scenarios where we might be able to make an impact in a young man’s decision-making process.

A powerful night that of course I can’t guarantee will move the needle with every single person there (or the boys they hold dearly).

I was impressed by the MEN in attendance, as past parent nights have been overwhelmingly “boy moms.” Last night we were much closer to a 60/40 split than the usual 90/10 and I think there is hope in that.

More dads showing up to have these conversations is something worth celebrating.

I don’t have grand takeaways for you in that space (I already posted on our socials some of the powerful feedback and positive scores/reviews), but I do remain hopeful for more of those types of events.

Because for all the time I spend in this space asking men to do better, it sure feels good to be in a room full of people who showed up because they WANT to.

And maybe that's the refueling I needed.

Coach Prompts

When was the last time you intentionally recognized men who were showing up to do the work, ratherthan only focusing on those who weren't?

Are you creating opportunities for the fathers and male caregivers in your program to practice the same human skills you expect from their sons?

What have you seen recently that gives you actual evidence of HOPE in the young men you're coaching?

Player Prompts

Who is a man in your life who has shown you what it looks like to keep learning, even as an adult?

When was the last time you voluntarily entered a conversation you knew might challenge something you believed?

What's something you've seen another guy do recently that made you hopeful about the kind of men your generation can become?

Whose Face Is the Story?

I made a deliberate choice here today with the screengrab above (and really the link/article you’ll land on if you click it).

That is Lakeeta Vaccaro, ex-wife of NFL star Tyreek Hill.

That is Lakeeta Vaccaro, sister of former NFL star Kenny Vaccaro.

That is Lakeeta Vaccaro, a woman on the witness stand in a courtroom recounting the emotional and physical abuse she says she suffered during her marriage to Hill—including while she was pregnant.

I purposely didn’t put a picture of Hill here.

I also purposely didn’t put a picture of her brother here.

Because too often I know even I have been too quick to frame these DV incidents/trials/stories around the fame and stature of the person accused of abuse (in this case, Hill).

And, if you have your players do a quick Google search of this situation, you’ll see Lakeeta’s picture in small circles around an action shot of her ex scoring touchdowns OR, even more likely, an IG screengrab of them glammed up.

What you’re much less likely to see is Tyreek Hill sitting in a courtroom as the defendant while the mother of one of his children recounts what she says he did to her.

And, if it even is reported on by the Adam Schefters of the world on social media, watch what happens next.

• How quickly does coverage move from what she is saying happened to her to what happens next for HIM?

• Can he play?

• Who might sign him?

• Could the Kansas City Chiefs use him?

The entire coverage apparatus around stories like these can become so steeped in excuse and DARVO culture that I literally want to vomit.

What I want you to do, as a coach here on the TeamsOfMen blog, is force yourself to watch even five minutes of her testimony.

Play a couple of clips for your players (maybe 30 seconds each) and then ask them:

“If you were the GM of an NFL team, knowing Hill’s Pro Bowl history AND knowing what you just heard being alleged in this courtroom, what would you say to a coach who came into your office and asked you to ‘Go get Tyreek’?”

And then LISTEN. Record what you HEAR. Record what you observe.

• Who immediately talks about football?

• Who immediately talks about her?

• Who needs more evidence?

• Who attacks her credibility?

• Who starts searching for reasons why what Hill could do for their team outweighs what they just heard?

Because those answers will give you a window into how victim advocacy actually operates in your space—not how everyone claims it does.

Coach Prompts

• When an athlete is accused of harming someone, whose future do you instinctively start worrying about first?

• When your players discuss DV or SA allegations involving an athlete, what do their FIRST responses reveal about whose humanity they center?

• Could you listen to your players wrestle with this question without immediately correcting them long enough to learn what your team culture has actually taught them?

Player Prompts

• When you heard the allegations against Hill, what was the first thing you wondered about: her, him, or football? Why?

• How much should someone's ability to help your team matter when you're deciding how to respond to allegations that they harmed someone?

• If the person accused weren't famous, wealthy or great at football, would you evaluate the same allegations differently?

You Don't Know Who's Carrying What

This post on IG from @jamylecannon is one of those that really doesn’t need much “explanation” from me.

It’s literally based on FBI/RAINN data, clearly shuts down the idea that so many men (and, yes, I’m including us coaches in that group) hide behind “Well what if she falsely accuses me of r***” AND opens eyes to the fact that men should be more worried about experiencing sexual violence themselves than being falsely accused of it.

It doesn’t get more clear-cut than that.

Where you may need TeamsOfMen is in figuring out how to deliver this to your staff and players (or, maybe even more importantly, how you sit with this yourself).

Launch point questions that come to mind right now include:

• What/who lead you to believe in the prevalence of “she lied on me” situations in the first place?

• After watching this video, think of one “take” you had on a public SA situation where you deployed an assumption that you know now was wrong? Who did you roll out this excuse to?

• How many male athletes in your team room might be victims of sexual abuse (if you know now that 1 in 7 boys by the age of 18 will report experiencing it)?

These can lead to eye-opening, difficult realizations and conversations.

But there’s a secret power of creating space for them regularly with your team: Vulnerability is a CONNECTION POINT.

You want a team that is actually bonded in struggle and strife? You want players who can claim to “have my brother’s back”? Then stop thinking that happens by osmosis or simply because they sweated profusely together at practice.

Put them in spaces that require them to open up, to handle and process difficult emotions together, and to share truths together. I’m not suggesting you have victims out themselves…but I am suggesting you ask the men in the room to ponder

“If you knew that 17 of us in this 100 person locker room were silently carrying that history, would you still tell the jokes and laugh at the headlines the way you are now?”

That’s the work.

Coach Prompts

• Who taught you to fear false allegations more than sexual violence—and what evidence have you ever demanded for that fear?

• What jokes, headlines or conversations happen differently in your locker room if you assume someone present may be silently carrying a history of sexual abuse?

• Are you building “brotherhood” through shared experiences alone, or actually giving your players practice processing difficult things together?

Player Prompts

• If you knew one of your teammates had experienced sexual violence but hadn't told anyone, what would you wish you had never joked about around him?

• What does “having my brother's back” require from you before you know what he's been through?

• Who taught you what to believe when someone says they experienced sexual violence—and have you ever examined whether they were right?

Exhausted With “His Potential”

Equimundo does AMAZING work.

Their State of Men work in both 2023 AND the newest edition this past month for 2026 is absolute MUST READ literature that both educates and guides you in what the world is facing in helping men unlearn the Manbox and offers real, researched best-practices methodology to help them reimagine manhood.

I would highly suggest you follow them NOW and refer to their content often.

However, today, this particular line is something I do want to push back on.

Not because I think it is some egregious error…or some patently false statement.

I actually I really like the fact this says “humans” and isn’t what I’ve been seeing from so many folks this past week defending “men” with some version of the usual “not all men” or “boys aren’t born this way” statements. The Cornell 7×57 has brought much needed discourse around SA, DV, masculinity, the manosphere, etc…but has also brought with it well funded, highly visible sources of EXCUSES for men.

I’m not necessarily putting this from Equimundo in that category…and if you read the whole piece, there is a TON of alignment between it and TeamsOfMen’s purpose, teaching and vision.

But I think I’m at the point now where I can no longer grant a presumption of inherent goodness without requiring evidence of it.

I can’t allow us, as men, to hide culpability and participation behind “well, we aren’t born evil” without proof of action to the contrary. The moment we are born, we are required to move, to LIVE and as we grow, those movements become intentional choices we make.

We cannot hide behind our supposed “pure beginnings” while rolling in the mud every second after.

As a coach, we get ZERO points in a game from our potential…and we hammer that into our players in every practice or post-game tirade we make. “We are only as good as our last game” “The next play is the most important play” “No one wins on paper” blah blah blah.

Those cliches probably hold some truth, in terms of having to prove yourself at every new scoreboard.

So why…WHY do we settle for “Well, I know they are good guys” or “My dudes weren’t born evil” when we’re reacting to the latest headlines around men causing harm?

But, what have they DONE lately? What is the evidence of their acting to that benevolent beginning NOW, at age 15, at age 25, at age 40???

If potential doesn’t count on the scoreboard, why the hell should it count as proof of character?

Coach Prompts

• If potential doesn’t count on your scoreboard, why should “he’s a good kid” count as evidence of character?

• What BEHAVIORS would you point to as evidence that the men in your program are actually living the values you claim they have?

• When one of your players causes harm, do you evaluate what he DID—or retreat to what you believe is “really in his heart”?

Player Prompts

• If someone described you as a “good guy,” what actual evidence from the last month would support that?

• What matters more in determining someone’s character: what they believe about themselves or what they repeatedly DO?

• Where in your life are you still asking people to give you credit for your potential instead of your actions?

The Prevention Self-Audit

Karen Whybro is NOT to be messed with.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that anyone who is rightfully known as “Women’s Safety Consultant and international expert on creating safe spaces for women and girls through research, consultancy and training to reduce sexism & misogyny” and has the writing skills she regularly displays on LinkedIn is not someone who suffers fools in her comments.

She is one of the best follows on the platform.

Her latest (as shown above in the screengrab) is such a spot-on evaluation of the ecosystem that produces the conditions surrounding cases like Cornell that I not only had to share it, BUT also wanted to use it as an evaluation of what we’re doing with TeamsOfMen.

Each sentence that starts with “It’s…” is worthy of your scrutiny and reflection by simply swapping in “DO WE…”

Example: “It’s accountability holding grown men responsible for their actions” becomes “DO WE hold the men in our program responsible for their actions?”

From there, keep going. Do we educate the men in our program about the prevalence of male violence? Do we challenge myths about sexual violence and domestic abuse when they show up in our team rooms? Do we consider whether the spaces, events and culture surrounding our program are safe for women and girls? Do we intentionally teach AND model respect to the young men entrusted to us?

Some of the lines won’t be applicable to your sport program. Some will absolutely speak truth to you and the actual influence you CAN have on the men in your space.

Take 10 minutes with yourself today (if your staff is around, include them). Read each “It’s…” and turn it into a “DO WE…”

And if the honest answer to one of them is “No”…sit with that for a second before explaining why. Then ask what it would take to turn it into a “Yes.”

Coach Prompts

• DO WE hold the men in our program accountable when their actions violate the values we claim to have?

• DO WE actively challenge myths, jokes and beliefs about sexual violence when they enter our team spaces?

• DO WE consider whether the culture we create around our program is actually safe for women and girls?

Player Prompts

• Where do you think prevention actually starts BEFORE someone causes harm?

• What beliefs about sexual violence, consent or relationships have you heard from other guys that deserve to be challenged?

• What is one part of your team culture that YOU have influence over making safer or more respectful?

Today…I don’t.

Writing every day is awesome.

It feeds a drive I’ve had to express myself via the written word since I was in fourth grade.

But the topics I choose to tackle here in our TeamsOfMen blog are heavy. They are hard. And oftentimes, they are emotionally and physically draining.

This week has been engulfed by the Cornel 7×57 (I’m using that phrasing now because, as many smarter people online have pointed out, the failure of humanity extended past the 7 alleged rapists and into the group chat of silence they sent ‘Free Pu**y’ tests to).

Writing about them, texting about them, posting about them, and having at least 10 different conversations with coaches of male athletes who are in the ToM ecosystem. That’s a good thing, as we obviously have work to do in calling more men into the prevention space.

But it does become exhausting…maybe not in terms of the “my eyes are closing and I can’t stop them” way we think of physical exhaustion…but in the “Jesus, I am DONE with this shit emotionally” way.

Now, I recognize I’m carrying NOTHING compared to actual survivors. Nothing compared to frontline victim advocates and support networks. NOTHING compared to so many women IN THIS.

That doesn’t make it less taxing to feel like we’ve been screaming into the ether here at TeamsOfMen for over a decade that “You’re team room is where you can make an actual difference” only to be met, if we’re being honest (especially in terms of revenue from sales of licenses that we measure as “signing up to do this work”) silence.

And yes, I am using the measuring stick of dollars and sales.

Because when a coach, school or organization buys a TeamsOfMen license, that is one tangible version of someone saying, “We’re signing up to do this work.” If you VALUE something you have to prove it with TIME and or MONEY invested into it.

And too often, they don’t.

It’s beyond frustrating.

It’s actually enraging and hope-stealing.

For every “Kip, this made me realize we have to bring your stuff to our place” there is silence, an ostrich like plunging of heads into the ground and doubling down on practice plans of pure sport, no character.

I don’t have the answer here today, In reality, I barely had the will to write a blog post today. I had a “what is the fucking point” moment.

I’ll be fine tomorrow. I’ll have a renewed zest for it tomorrow. I’ll probably even had a refilled cup of delusion that we CAN do this.

But I don’t have it today.

And maybe the most honest thing I can write today is that doing work you believe deeply matters does not mean you always believe it is working.

Today, I don’t.

Until tomorrow…

Coach Prompts

When was the last time you wondered whether the “life lessons” you say you teach are actually reaching your players

Where have you confused talking about character with actually creating time in your program to PRACTICE it

If your practice plan shows exactly what you value, how much space did you intentionally give this week to anything beyond the sport?

Player Prompts

What is something you’ve heard repeatedly from coaches that you didn’t understand the importance of until later?

When the adults around you keep bringing up difficult topics, what makes you engage instead of tuning them out?

What is one conversation about life, relationships or manhood you wish your team would actually make space for?

Show Them This

I’ve spent much of this week in a slow-burning rage.

Much of that I can attribute directly to the Cornell situation, and not only my Monday writing on it, but subsequent follow-ups, not only across general culture and on social media, but direct commentary back to me that is, for lack of a better phrase, victim blaming at its height.

I watched in fury as The View co host Sonny Hostin tried to both sides, legalese her way around what I saw as a victim blaming stance.

I read in rage comments on various Cornell 7 posts that tried to excuse away the men’s alleged behavior, infantilize them AND deploy the usual DARVO tactics we all know and loathe (but also have come to expect).

Hell I went back and forth with a random on Bluesky who tried to hide behind the semantics of an awful New York state law and pretend they were having a hard time dealing with the “messy” of the situation.

If I’m at this point of exasperation and anger, I can only imagine what survivors are feeling this week.

That being said, I wanted to share the above graphic (originally posted on IG by @givingthetalk) as a very simple “Listen, are you moved by this? Yes? Are you around men? Yes? Then show them this dammit” share.

It’s very easy to decipher…it’s based in a reality where a clean “No” may not be available, but that does NOT make the absence of a “No” consent.

You can literally post it, print it, hang it, share it.

Done.

I don’t have the energy to go further today here…not because I have less resolve, but because I don’t want to give folks the option to “opt out” of the conversation because we get too far in the weeds of our educated language and research-based verbiage.

Share the “KNOW ‘NO’” and sit with it.

Coach Prompts: 

• What keeps you from simply putting a graphic like this in front of your players?

• Where might your players have learned that the absence of “no” means permission to continue?

• Are you making consent education so complicated that it becomes easier to avoid doing it?

Player Prompts: 

• If someone never says “no,” what tells you they actually WANT what is happening?

• Why might someone be unable or unwilling to give a clean, verbal “no”?

• What should you be looking and listening for instead of simply waiting to hear the word “no”?

Rehearse Them Out of Silence

Now, today’s blog action step is going to require you to have access to scroll an X post.

And I recognize that in 2026 that may be a deal breaker for some of you. I’m still on it, even though I refrain from posting there unless it’s a Dallas Cowboys in-game rant thread OR it’s a day like the past few with the Cornell 7 and I’m in a mood to battle bots and MAGA folks all day long. I have NOT been able to quit it, despite repeated attempts.

Today, however, that is probably a good thing because otherwise, I wouldn’t have this very usable post and comment thread to share with coaches of male athletes.

It’s in response to the Cornell 7 allegations (which, rightfully so, have set the internet ablaze this week) and is from a post that correctly identifies that male-dominated spaces like frats, sports and industry are (without intentional work) places of perpetration and silence, NOT of victim advocacy and prevention.

Now, you can stop on that post and just read it to your team and ask “Thoughts?”. That will get you a solid 10-minute conversation with your players about the incident, about climate and culture, etc. It will be good.

But to take it one step further and get into more TRUTH…you need to read the first post and then ask them to scroll the responses. Better yet…put the post by itself up on the screen…and then READ the comments with real emotion (i.e. if they all-caps something, you scream it out loud).

Then ask your guys, with a partner, with a group, etc the following:

• Do you think that response is something you would hear from your circle of friends or teammates?

• How would you respond to that?

• Have you witnessed your coach, your dad, your teacher, any trusted male adult stand up to comments like that (in writing or in person)? How did they do it?

This is a real TeamsOfMen convo.

This is an actual rep in interruption.

And without interruption, without actual tools to use when the moment of truth arises, our young men are left on their own and most likely will choose SILENCE (just like the other 53 men did in that text thread from Cornell).

Coach Prompts

1. If your players read this comment thread, which responses would sound NORMAL to them?

2. Have your players ever actually watched YOU interrupt a sexist, victim-blaming or dismissive comment?

3. Where in your program are players getting reps in what to SAY—not simply being told what they should believe?

Player Prompts

1. Do you think that response is something you would hear from your circle of friends or teammates?

2. What would you actually SAY if someone you know made that comment in front of you?

3. Think of a trusted male adult you’ve watched push back on something like this. What did he actually DO that you could use yourself?

Would They Think It Was Random?

Unless you’ve been purposely trying to avoid social media the past 72 hours, you have been exposed to posts and information about what is being called the “Cornell 7”.

I will let you read and digest the information regarding seven current and former members of Cornell’s Chi Phi fraternity who were named as defendants in a high-profile civil lawsuit filed in September 2026 regarding an alleged October 2024 sexual assault at the fraternity house in Ithaca, New York.

I will let you read and digest the allegations that a young woman was drugged and sexually assaulted over the course of hours, and that during the alleged assault a message announcing “free p***y” upstairs was sent to a fraternity group chat.

I will let you read and digest the university’s response, the lawsuit’s allegation that the men were offered an opportunity to mitigate their conduct by writing essays, and the fact that NOW, in 2026, the criminal investigation has been reopened.

Then I will ask you to ponder a very simple question:

“If I was going to text this out to my own players, whether that be with a 'FYI’ or a ‘Don’t be these guys’ theme, WOULD THEY THINK IT RANDOM for me to be talking about this with them?”

If you’re answer to that question is “Yes”…

• Then you are not building the life skills in your program that you think you are.

• Then you have not given them any preparation for a moment like this that arises in their life (getting the text, hearing the rumors, BEING IN THAT ROOM)

• Then you are simply letting “dealer’s choice” be the prevention model in your program.

I say this as someone who, despite being 13 years into coaching with the idea that reducing the rates of sexual assault and gender violence committed by men requires intentional programming that helps young men identify and escape the Manbox, is usually loathe to say “Look what I did.”

It usually doesn’t work. It usually leads to defensiveness in other coaches. And doing the work the way we do with TeamsOfMen does not come with a “our guys will always be angels” guarantee.

BUT, when the Cornell 7 news dropped, I could (and did) text a number of past players (both graduated and IN college, some in frats) about the topic without them being shocked to hear from me.

When the Cornell 7 news dropped, I could (and did) draw upon past convos, sessions, and programming they had been exposed to and say “You have the skills to ensure your space, your team, your FRAT now does not do this. You have the voice and the training to do this.”

What if…all coaches could say this to their male athletes (current and past)?

What if…all coaches had sent a legion of men out into the world who would not only never think to drug or sexually assault a woman at a party…but who would also have the courage to report a text announcing something like this to someone who could intervene immediately, instead of simply remaining silent?

What if…all coaches had spent intentional time, during the years when they had a platform with their players, on things like victim advocacy and reimagining what “brotherhood” means?

What if….

NOTE: The clip I posted above with this blog is NOT directly related to the Cornell 7, but is an amazing scene from “Promising Young Woman” that plays out a college administrator vs.* victim’s advocate conversation that one can imagine playing out in ways that lead to institutional failures like the ones alleged in the Cornell lawsuit.

Coach Prompts

• If you texted your players about the Cornell allegations today, would they understand why YOU were the person sending it—or would it feel completely random?

• What have you actually practiced with your players that prepares them for getting the text, hearing the rumor, or BEING IN THAT ROOM?

• If one of your former players encountered something like this tonight, what previous conversation with you could he draw upon to decide what to do next?

Player Prompts

• If a message suggesting a woman was sexually available appeared in one of your group chats, what would you actually do next?

• What does “brotherhood” require when protecting another person means challenging or reporting one of your own?

• Who have you identified in your life that you could contact immediately if you witnessed or learned about potential sexual violence and didn’t know what to do?

Stop Pretending Your Players Haven’t Heard This

First of all, as a coach you CAN USE this screengrab in the next film session (it’s already edited).

So let’s throw that excuse that I hear from coaches a lot (“Man, I’m not getting in trouble with these parents for putting up nasty -ish") out the window.

Next, the original carousel post on IG from @uofucvp is already broken down into a “lesson plan”-like roll out by the University of Utah’s McCluskey Center for Violence Prevention.

So you can’t tell me “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this.” It’s already laid out for you.

Finally, these sexual scripts are LITERALLY what are being taught to your male athletes (whether you have them in HS or College) and what’s worse? They are ACTING in lockstep with them (especially in the absence of any counter programming from you and other trusted men in their lives).

I know, I know.

My tone today is not “best practices” approved. I’m supposed to meet everyone where they are. I’m supposed to invite coaches into the work. I’m supposed to recognize the angst and worry associated with the discomfort and hesitancy of coaches who have not dipped their toes in violence prevention before.

I’m not in that space today. I choose to shake you awake today.

When I tell you I don’t have to click on more than one or two social media sites each morning and scroll ONE SCREEN down before I find an example of men causing harm with their words, their hands or their sheer indifference due to Manbox influence, I mean it is almost INSTANTANEOUS. It’s exhausting. And today is a day (and a ready to use post that doesn’t need hand holding) that you can be a big kid and DO THE WORK.

I mean look at this post from a man on Reddit and tell me you can’t envision one of your players (or your staff) holding the belief that this is 100% the way to roll

I’ve been in rooms deploying similar examples and sat through the awkward laughs and silence that follows you saying “How many of you or dudes in your circle would co sign this as a thought they’ve had?”

I’ve been in the cars and rooms where friend groups ask for validation of their own “game” when it comes to convincing an unwilling woman for some sexual favor.

And if we’re being honest so have you.

The question is whether they’ve been handed the same script—and whether anyone they trust is helping them rewrite it.

Coach Prompts

• When one of your athletes hears “I don’t know” during a sexual encounter, what has he been taught that those words require from him?

• What sexual scripts are your players absorbing from friends, porn, social media and older men—and where is the counter programming coming from?

• If your answer is “my guys know better,” what have you actually done with them that gives you evidence for that belief?

Player Prompts

• In the Reddit example, what do you think the guy believes his job is once she says “I don’t know”?

• Where do guys learn the idea that being good at “rizz” means turning hesitation into a yes?

• What could a healthier script sound like when someone you’re interested in isn’t clearly communicating that they want the same thing you do?

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

Let’s learn via laughing today shall we?

Show the clip above (originally posted on X by @keshvibezTV) of actor/comedian doing Marcello Hernandez stand-up about the trials and tribulations of life as a woman.

Raised by a single mom, Hernandez’ set features hilarious stories and depictions of

• Women’s clothing

• Women’s facial care

• Women’s hair care

• Women’s hygiene

all from the perspective of a young man (Hernandez) growing up and tagging along to all these appointments and being in these situations with his mom. The take is honest, rooted in lived experience, and HILARIOUS.

I throw this one in here for our blog today because as serious as many of the subjects we broach are, I do believe doses of levity and laughter matter. I think humor can help lower the barriers in a room, allow young men to relax and hopefully, be more willing to engage in a topic they normally wouldn’t.

And, I think these topics could be just as much a “Women 101” conversation course as anything as Hernandez talks about what men don’t know about types of women’s clothing, how their hair appointments actually go, and, yes, what a “Brazilian” spa session really entails.

Young men don’t know what they don’t know (hell, a lot of their dad’s don’t know what they don’t know) and letting them learn in a space of stand up comedy is a recipe for growth. There’s value in being able to admit that, laugh about it, and get curious about experiences that aren’t yours. And sometimes, letting that curiosity start in the space of stand-up comedy can make the learning feel a whole lot less threatening.

Coach Prompts

• What topics do your players seem more willing to explore through humor than through a formal conversation?

• Where might laughter help lower the temperature enough for your players to admit, “I actually don’t know anything about this”?

• After showing the clip, resist becoming the expert: what questions could you ask that turn the laughter into curiosity?

Player Prompts

• What was something Hernandez talked about that you realized you genuinely knew very little about?

• Why can it sometimes feel easier for guys to joke about something they don’t understand than admit they don’t understand it?

• What’s something about the experiences of women in your life that you’ve never actually thought to ask them about?

Caring Before It’s Personal

Couple of things that this post (originally on IG by @thegistusa) stirred in me when I first saw it during my usual doom scrolling last night:

• YES YES YES…such a spot on naming of a frustration I can only imagine weighs heavily on women as they hear and see so many men get some sort of figurative “badge of honor” for leading off their “allyship” with “Well, you know I’m a girl dad”

  1. And it we’re being honest, this runs rampant in our sports ecosystems. Whether that be a coach, a player or a adjacent administrator or executive, someone somewhere decides this week’s Gameday must lead with a “well, I finally stopped being a complete dick when my daughter was born”.

• It led me back to one of the more powerful (but also likely to cause awkward silence) graphics we’ve used and helped coaches use with their players for a few years (see below)

You post this up on a film screen before a session with your guys, and let me tell you, as someone who has done it, you’re going to get a combination of head nods, tilted head confusion and telling silence.

If you do this in your STAFF MEETING room beforehand, you might even get SCOFFS and deflection, because if I’m being honest, I know in certain spaces, certain teams or audiences that I’ve led and spoken to, it’s always SAFER to lead with “Think about your mom or your girlfriend going through this” than “Yo, you should give a damn about any woman you encounter because they have inherent value as a human being.”

It’s a bigger lift.

IT SHOULD NOT BE.

But it is.

And I think it’s okay to hit dudes in the face with the hypocrisy of ONLY giving a damn about VAW in the context of “your” woman is harmed.

Because in that world, we’re still in some gross version of “ownership” of the women in our lives. We’re still living some “white knight savior” nonsense. And we’re still indifferent to harm to strangers, which we know is not the actual definition of a community that cares for one another.

Finally, if you are a coach who claims (like we all do, and I believe is true) that your true calling is building better men for their future lives as husbands and dads…is it really a successful formula to have him WAIT to give a shit about women until he is married or fathers one?

My god, in our “reps to prep for the game” world of sport, that’s literally akin to “hey, we are going to start giving a damn about that game…at kickoff. NOT practice before, film before, weights before…nope, not until actual kickoff. See ya there.”

Coach Prompts

• When talking with your players about harm toward women, how often do you rely on “imagine if that were your mom/sister/girlfriend”? What might happen if you removed that framing?

• What are you actively rehearsing now with your male athletes that prepares them to care about and advocate for women later?

• Where might your own language unintentionally teach players that women deserve care because of their relationship to men rather than because of their inherent humanity?

Player Prompts

• Why do you think “imagine if that was your mom/sister/girlfriend” can feel more convincing than simply saying a woman deserves to be treated with dignity?

• What changes when you cross out sister, mother, daughter, and wife and leave only “She’s someone”?

• If caring about people is something we can practice, what is one “rep” you can take now rather than waiting until the issue becomes personal?

When Not Laughing Isn’t Enough

I recognize that as much of a sports figure Dwyane Wade was in my early adult years, he may be viewed as an old head and have “Unc” status with today’s male athletes. But, in our quest to generate topics and conversations with them that actually interest them, I think he still has enough name recognition to earn a slowdown and focus from them.

The above post (originally on IG from @thegistusa) tells the story of how Wade had to navigate the Miami Heat locker room, and more specifically, the jokes and humor being tossed around it after his daughter Zaya came out publicly as transgender. It talks about him moving from simply not laughing, to physically standing and removing himself from the room to ultimately challenging a close friend and teammate (Udonis Haslem) via conversation.

This is the progression we would all HOPE each of our players individually would be capable of when faced with a team room full of toxic humor. This is the courage and conviction we would love for them all to act with in situations where their values are put to the test by the group dynamic.

But, I also recognize this is what a grown, adult father was capable of. Many of you have young men, some of you have teenage boys in your room.

They most likely won’t have the capacity for this.

So, in my opinion, sharing this story of courage is awesome…but setting the parameters for what is acceptable humor in your spaces is the next move. You are the coach. You are the adult. You have the power within that dynamic to mandate that “this program DOES NOT tolerate homophobic, transphobic hate speech OR jokes of any kind.”

By doing this, you are not only trying to curb the type of language Wade had to deal with, but you are also signaling to kids in the room who hold the same values as you that “my coach has my back.”

Imagine if Coach Erik Spoelstra had been laughing alongside Wade’s Miami Heat teammates during these joke sessions? Imagine the effect on their coach-player relationship in that moment when Wade looked to the leader of the team for support and safe haven and instead found a cosigner of that humor?

This is TeamsOfMen in all aspects. What you do with your relationships with players, how you create and normalize a healthier version of humanity inside the walls of your team spaces AND how you model what it means to truly “teach life lessons.”

Coach Prompts

• What types of humor have you explicitly told your team are outside the boundaries of your program—and what have you only assumed they know?

• When harmful humor happens in your team space, who currently carries the burden of challenging it: the targeted player, another teammate, or you?

• What does a player see from you when a joke violates the values you claim your program holds?

Player Prompts

• Have you ever disagreed with a joke in a team setting but laughed, stayed quiet, or went along with it anyway? What made speaking up difficult?

• Which of Wade’s moves—not laughing, leaving the room, or directly challenging a teammate—feels realistic for you right now? Which feels hardest?

• What would your coach need to do consistently for you to genuinely believe, “my coach has my back”?

What “PAUSE” Is Doing In Your Team Room

If you’ve been coaching male athletes in the past five years or so, you have heard a young man on your team use “PAUSE.”

You’ve experienced someone on your roster (maybe even one of your coaches) in a deep conversation, mid-story, seemingly randomly divertiung to get in a quick “PAUSE”.

You’ve been in a team circle or team room and while a teammate is talking, someone from the audience says “pause” and the roster erupts in laughter.

If you were unaware of what that was about, this post is PERFECT for you to upgrade your understanding AND start pushing back on.

First, it’s probably easiest to say this is a 2020s version of “That’s what she said.” Think of Jim Halpert looking at the camera in “The Office” every time Michael Scott utters that line and you’ll get a physical representation of what that “pause” comment is doing in your team room.

It’s trying to police sexual innuendo, sexual suggestion and, as the original IG author Lewis Wedlock mentions above, often ends up normalizing homophobia. Any suggestion from an otherwise unrelated comment like “You sucked that shake down fast” or “That’s way to big for me” is going to get a “pause” call and a giggle festival started. And while sometimes it will lean towards a heterosexual pornification of everyday language, it most likely will be rooted in Manbox type gate keeping of any “softness” or “gayness” in your team room.

I won’t ruin Lewis’ post (after all, I want you read it with your staff and players slide by slide and lean into it’s conversation-starting statements), so after going through that exercise, roll out our usual Coach Prompts and Player Prompts to truly examine WHERE and HOW this casual “interruption” is showing up in your team spaces.

Coach Prompts

• When “pause” gets called in our team space, what exactly is being identified as funny, embarrassing, or unacceptable?

• When have you heard “pause” used to police something a player said or how he expressed himself—and what message did the laughter that followed send?

• How can you interrupt “pause” culture without simply becoming the adult who bans another word, and instead help players understand what the joke is doing?

Player Prompts

• Think about the last few times someone said “pause.” What was actually being joked about?

• What does someone have to say or do in your group to earn a “pause”? What does that tell you about what your group considers acceptable masculinity?

• If a teammate were gay—or simply worried about being perceived as gay—how might hearing “pause” over and over change what he feels comfortable saying or doing around the team?

Are You Asking For Respect…or Obedience?

If you missed this earlier this week, this one we can chalk up as a master class in “performative politeness” disguising a real control issue.

Virginia Tech Head Football Coach James Franklin started off what I can only assume is his weekly press briefing by refusing to answer a question from a reporter without first getting the exact interaction he apparently wanted from him.

Except here's the weird part: the reporter, Michael Howes of The Baltimore Sun, had ALREADY started with “Hey, Coach,” before introducing himself and beginning his question. Franklin responded “Hey, Michael,” and then repeatedly interrupted Howes with the same greeting as he tried to continue. Howes later explained that he couldn't see Franklin on Zoom and initially thought his audio was glitching.

After making the viral rounds, the clip has generated debate over whether the coach was actually “just doing the polite thing and asking for that in return” or, as I would view it from a TeamsOfMen lens, deciding to expect the level of power and mandated action he enjoys over his players in the real world.

Listen, it IS polite to respond to a person saying hello to you with some sort of acknowledgement. If you are greeted, I suppose it’s reasonable to reciprocate back (either verbally or with some sort of head nod or wave). I’m not arguing that.

But I also know that a failure in that department is not the final nail in the coffin of our society and I wouldn’t stop in my tracks and forcefully confront someone who hasn’t given me a dap up.

And again, in this case, Howes HAD greeted him.

What I believe we have here is a man used to owning a room, not just in presence, but in mandated obedience. I say jump, 100 men jump. I say echo a phrase, all voices sing. But that’s not the actual world.

That’s the environment your status and privilege as the coach have afforded you.

Coach Franklin doesn’t “coach” Michael. Michael doesn’t play “for” Virginia Tech Football.

This is a silly display of power that he should be above (or at the very least, later, off to the side ask Michael “Hey, Mike, listen, I think it’s polite to have a little back-and-forth with each other before we do the song and dance of Q&A. You good with that?”

Because there is a difference between wanting someone to be polite and requiring someone to perform politeness exactly the way YOU want before you'll allow the interaction to continue.

One is a relationship preference.

The other starts looking a whole lot like obedience.

Coach Prompts

• When you say a player is being “disrespectful,” what observable behavior are you actually responding to?

• Does “respect” in your program ever accidentally mean doing exactly what the coach expects, exactly when the coach expects it?

• How does the power you hold inside your program affect what you expect from people outside of it?

Player Prompts

• What is the difference between respecting someone and obeying someone?

• Have you ever been accused of being disrespectful when you felt like you simply didn’t respond the way someone wanted you to?

• When someone doesn’t respond to you the way you expect, how quickly do you assume they are disrespecting you?