We Taught Them to Laugh At This BS
This shit ain’t funny. (And yes, I know it’s from a parody account).
But what’s worse is, with 1.1 million views, I think I might in the minority with that opinion.
This is, like earlier this week and the mosh pits at dances, another area where if you apply what we believe in here at TeamsOfMen, you see the damn Manbox infusing and bathing our culture in it’s nonsense.
The Oklahoma City Thunder just lost two players, (Jaylen Williams and Cason Wallace) to probably season ending injuries. Chet Holmgren has had REAL, painful injuries throughout his career (such is life as a 7’3 person who spends his days running and jumping) and battled back through all of them. And this account (whether it be bot or human) decided to make light of both those facts and something that can happen to women’s genitals (often BECAUSE of some version of SA/violence).
And it got people snickering and laughing online.
Put this up in your next staff meeting (then in your team film session). I guarantee (because I have been dumb enough myself to do so) a version of this has been said by coaches and players in your orbit.
“He’s got a pulled vagina.”
“He sprained his pu**y.”
“He’s on his period this month.”
A fool in your orbit has said these things when someone on your roster is hurt, or showing signs of injury. We are bathed in this language on practice fields and courts across the country.
Sure, there are examples of guys who aren’t what we would call “resilient” or have a “low pain threshold”. Those people are out there and it is frustrating when they don’t play through something our medical staff believe they can.
But to equate that ALWAYS with the feminine is to acquiesce to the Manbox and it’s “anything woman is weak” nonsense.
Guys, you know when there is likely to be a vaginal tear? When women are in labor man. Bringing life into the damn world.
You want that pain do ya?
I doubt it.
And that's the absurdity of the whole damn thing. We take a part of the human body capable of enduring extraordinary pain and use it as shorthand for weakness.
But here's what bothers me even more than the original post.
I know that somewhere today, a coach is going to see this, laugh, and share it with another coach. Players will pass it around in their group chats. And the next time a guy gets hurt, or doesn't respond to pain the way someone thinks he should, some version of this language will come spilling out.
Because we've rehearsed it. Over and over and over again.
And every time we do, we're teaching boys that being compared to a woman is an insult. That femininity is weakness. That the worst thing you can be as a male athlete is something resembling female.
THAT is the Manbox at work.
So, coaches, don't just tell your guys this isn't funny.
Ask them WHY it's supposed to be funny.
What exactly are we laughing at? What are we suggesting about women? What are we teaching one another about pain, injury, and toughness?
And then ask yourself how many times you've contributed to that very lesson.
Coaching Prompts
When was the last time you heard a coach or player use female anatomy, menstruation or femininity as an insult? What was your response?
How have your own words or reactions reinforced the idea that toughness and masculinity are inseparable?
If your players were asked why comparing a male athlete to a woman is funny, what do you think their answers would reveal about your team's culture?
Player Prompts
Agree or Disagree: Calling a male athlete a feminine name when he's injured is harmless if everyone knows it's a joke. Why?
What does comparing an injured male athlete to a woman suggest about how we view women's strength and pain?
If someone on your team regularly made jokes like this, what would make you willing to challenge him instead of laughing along?
The Manbox Goes to Homecoming
This one you might disagree with me on.
MAYBE it’s an example of me looking too far, too deep, being too “Kip-ish” about something.
But I think “moshing” or “mosh pits” at high school dances are an example of Manbox harm.
I've heard stories from our partner high schools about this phenomenon, and you can google “mosh pits at high school dances” and get up to speed visually on what I'm talking about (which I know, a mosh pit isn’t ‘new’ necessarily, but the planned execution of it at formal high school dances is).
In essence, dudes are ruining the vibe of the whole dance. They decide to circle up and start bumping and blasting into one another, with little regard for not only their safety but anyone in the vicinity.
Picture the scene: a group of young men, who didn’t come with dates and most likely came with one another, aren’t about to ask a girl to dance and/or are awkward at best dancers themselves and decide the whole scene is designed for them to enjoy (and them alone) and so they launch into the universal “boy language” of crashing and wrestling.
By the end, there is a circle of human flesh slamming into one another, the culprits laughing like jackals while others are annoyed and often in the line of fire.
Why is this Manbox behavior, and not simply the tired trope of “boys will be boys”?
Because it’s rooted in a belief that every space is supposed to be for any man willing to take it over…because it’s wrapped in the idea that my physical body takes precedence over yours…and because it spreads like wildfire in a group of dudes who have joined forces to be aggressive.
And here's the thing: nobody else on that dance floor was asked whether they wanted to participate. The group simply decided that everyone else would have to accommodate them.
Physical injuries are a possible outcome (yes to the boys who are moshing, but more importantly to anyone in their vicinity who did NOT want to mosh). The overall VIBE and TONE of the dance is dramatically altered. And resentment builds in the rest of the student body towards the young men who started the thing.
Yes, some schools have taken up the idea of having kids sign behavior agreements before they attend any dance.
Yes, some schools have had their chaperones (either admin or volunteers) literally dive in and break up the pits.
But, once again, coaches have an opportunity to be frontline prevention workers in this scenario.
You KNOW when there is a dance.
You KNOW who is going and who isn’t.
You often have a practice or game before the damn thing.
You can, at the very least, say “No stupid ass MOSHING guys. If I hear of it, we are running.”
It literally is that simple.
Of course, I would want you to be doing regular, consistent ToM work, so this type of conversation doesn’t seem like it’s out of left field to your team. BUT, if the bare minimum you can muster the time to do is telling them “I’m getting reports on your behavior at Homecoming” we’re at least doing something.
Because this isn't really about dancing. It's about teaching young men that being part of a group doesn't give them permission to take over a space, disregard other people's boundaries, or make their enjoyment everyone else's problem.
And that's absolutely Manbox work.
Coaching Prompts
What behaviors outside of athletics have you dismissed as "boys will be boys" without examining who might be negatively impacted?
How are you teaching your players that being part of a group doesn't give them permission to dominate a shared space?
What opportunities do you have BEFORE school events to communicate expectations about respecting others' physical boundaries and enjoyment?
Player Prompts
Agree or Disagree: If a group of guys is having fun together, they shouldn't have to stop just because other people are uncomfortable. Why or why not?
Have you ever participated in something with a group of friends that you wouldn't have done by yourself? What changed when you were part of the group?
When does your group's version of having fun become disrespectful or harmful to people who aren't participating?
Some GOOD in the World of Men
I wonder sometimes about the state of my own mental health, especially as I scroll through my social media feeds and morning email notifications. Those are usually the gateways into topics for both this blog and my work with TeamsOfMen in general, and that typically means bathing my mind in stories of awful.
Today, as I was scrolling, nothing was coming up in the usual locations (ESPN headlines, X, LinkedIn, IG, etc.) and I could feel myself literally getting ANGRY.
I had to stop, walk away from the screen, and say, “Jesus, Kip, maybe today has a chance to be a bullshit free day. That’s a good thing.”
So I then decided to post about something cool and that’s how I landed on my friend Ashanti Branch’s Million Mask project.
Ashanti’s work with young men is prominently featured in the documentary film “The Mask You Live In”, and I was fortunate enough to be a guest on his podcast a few years back. His Ever Forward Club’s work in the Bay Area and beyond is inspiring, and one of his most impressive creations is the “Mask” activity this post is encouraging you to take part in.
Long story short, you need a bunch of paper and drawing utensils, you need a group willing to practice courage and vulnerability, and you follow Ashanti’s lesson plan to craft representations of the masks your guys feel they wear in various aspects of their lives. What they show the world versus what they keep hidden.
It is a powerful activity that I’ve used with adults all the way down to middle schoolers and allows men the opportunity to share and examine who they are willing to be with one another.
Ashanti’s group is driving towards one million of these masks being created, and a recent push you can participate in to help both your team room AND their progress toward that goal can be found HERE.
The most effective version of this lesson takes about 30 minutes BUT I’ve also run it in as little as 15.
It has NEVER, no matter the audience, failed to leave an impact and generate deep reflection and substantive discussion.
I couldn’t co-sign it more strongly for coaches reading our blog and needing an activity to build an actual climate and culture of honesty and trust.
And, as an added bonus, today I got to remind myself that there's plenty of GOOD happening in the world of men and boys, too.
Coaching Prompts
What parts of yourself do you intentionally hide from your players, and how might that influence what they're willing to share with you?
When was the last time you facilitated an activity that asked your players to reflect on who they are beyond their identity as athletes?
How do you create opportunities for vulnerability within your program without making players feel obligated to share more than they're comfortable sharing?
Player Prompts
What is something about yourself that your teammates might be surprised to learn, and what has kept you from sharing it?
Do you feel like you have to act differently around your teammates than you do around your closest friends or family? Why?
What would need to change about your team's environment for guys to feel more comfortable being themselves?
The Good Guy Defense
How exhausting is “sportswashing”?
The way coaches, GMs, administrators in college athletics, all the way through your local club coach, decide that achievement in sport (hell, participation in sports) ERASES the very real harm a human being does off the field/away from the court is nauseating.
This week’s examples, on back to back news cycles, are courtesy of our friends in the NFL.
First, Tennessee Titans Head Coach Robert Saleh decided he would take to the podium and give a literal recommendation for his cut defensive tackle, Jordan Elliott, who was released from the organization following an incident in which he reportedly went to his car to retrieve a gun after an on-field altercation with a teammate.
One of the many ridiculous claims from Saleh, who earlier in the press conference described Elliott's actions as a call for help more than a criminal act, was his invitation to other NFL teams to contact him if they needed a run-stopping defensive tackle for a playoff run.
And he ended that endorsement with a declaration: "He's a good man."
We cannot equate character and work ethic.
At best we know he's willing to play a kid's game with effort. That does not guarantee the person he is off it. FULL STOP.
Next, we get this gem of a comment from Green Bay Packers HC Matt LaFleur about his newly returned from suspension RB Josh Jacobs (who pleaded no contest to misdemeanor battery and criminal damage to property following an incident involving his then-girlfriend) that “I’ve been around him, he’s a good dude”.
Well, Coach, where the hell were you when he did what he did? Was he being a good person then?
This stuff is just gross.
It reeks of men protecting other men, of men ignoring human harm because other men can tackle or run a ball well. And it screams that the harm done to women can become secondary to the value men bring to a football team.
And it's blatant.
I can already hear the usual “innocent until proven guilty Kip” responses. But criminal punishment and the privilege of playing professional sports are two entirely different things. And in Jacobs' case, we're not simply talking about an accusation. He entered a no-contest plea to misdemeanor charges. The least that could happen to these guys is losing the privilege of playing in the NFL. That’s the STARTING POINT.
Because if our first instinct when an athlete causes harm is to remind everyone how valuable he is to our team, what exactly are we teaching every other young man watching?
Coaching Prompts
When an athlete in your program causes harm, how do you ensure their athletic value doesn't influence your response?
What evidence do you actually use when describing a player as a "good person," and how much of that assessment comes from their behavior within your program?
How do you distinguish supporting an athlete as a human being from protecting them from accountability for their actions?
Player Prompts
Agree or Disagree: Being a great teammate means you're also a good person. Why or why not?
Have you ever seen someone receive different consequences for harmful behavior because they were particularly talented or important to a team?
Can you support a teammate who has caused harm without defending, minimizing or excusing what they did? What would that look like?
The Problem (and Possibility) of Men in Groups
I know, I know.
“Kip, you are really sharing something from the NY Times in the year of our lord 2026?”
Yes, but only because it’s Kate Manne (author and professor) and she is dope (and it’s an opinion piece from her, so that makes it slightly easier for me to promote something found on the NYT servers).
And, if I’m honest, the headline of the piece (as you can see in the screengrab above) is one of the most consequential questions of our time (maybe history even) and why I have stood firmly behind “Teams” of men as the title of my work in coaching and reimagining manhood.
Back in 2012-13, when I was scouring campus resources and the internet for ways to START weaving sexual violence prevention into my coaching, I came across two things by Jackson Katz (yes, yes, I know, Jackson is a sort of pioneer in the work, but also very controversial himself). One was his documentary “Tough Guise” and one was his book “The Macho Paradox”. In both, he confronted a question that has never left me: What are men in groups most known for? VIOLENCE.
And the more I grappled with that, the more I realized how true it was, both from my lived experience as a man in those groups (violence being often in the form of words deployed to “clown” one another, but also often manifesting physically within the group) and as a leader of those groups (nothing makes me more nervous than a group of young dudes rolling deep somewhere).
I’m not going to ruin Kate’s work by giving you a synopsis here.
I will tell you to go read it.
I will tell you to examine the moments in your program when your guys are all together in a space (team room, bus, plane, hotel) that is unsupervised and ask you why we, as coaches, often spend more time planning for what might go wrong when our guys are together than when they're on their own.
I will ask you to reflect on what it means for men together to be holding each other to a “precarious manhood” standard, where “what you proved/did/said yesterday is not enough to earn your man badge today, you have to go further.”
And when the guys around you are the ones deciding whether you've earned that badge, what might you be willing to do to keep it?
And then I will ask you to join us in finding ways to not only interrupt the scripts these groups operate on, but also create versions of male groups that operate in the exact opposite way.
Because if men in groups can reinforce the worst in one another, shouldn't we be just as intentional about building groups that bring out the best?
Coaching Prompts
When your players are together without adult supervision, what behaviors are you most concerned about, and what does that reveal about the culture you've built?
What behaviors earn a young man status and influence within your team, and are those the same behaviors you publicly celebrate as a coach?
How intentionally are you building a team where players challenge one another to demonstrate care, accountability and humanity rather than dominance, humiliation or toughness?
Player Prompts
Have you ever said or done something around a group of guys that you wouldn't have done if you were alone? What made the difference?
What does a guy on your team have to do to earn respect from other players? What could cause him to lose that respect?
Agree or Disagree: Guys are more likely to do something harmful when they're surrounded by other guys than when they're alone. Why?
What Makes This Conversation So Hard?
Over the decade plus of this TeamsOfMen work, pornography remains an “ever present taboo”, both in person and in writing.
It’s there (hell, it might be everywhere). Parents, coaches, players all KNOW it’s there.
But, to this day in 2026, it is not something those three groups want, think about, or even attempt to discuss together.
The study (click on image) above is from a joint venture between Equimundo & Harmony Labs. The recently released report examines how U.S. men engage with pornography, using observed online behavior rather than relying solely on what men say about their consumption. Researchers examined the online activity of approximately 300,000 adult panelists between June and December 2025. It was sent to me by our partners at PMY.
I don’t want to ruin your actual engagement with their work, so I’m not going to list out findings in a bullet point list today. Instead, I thought I’d present these questions to you that will both encourage you to go read the report yourself AND grapple with what its findings mean to your relationship with porn AND your players.
First of all, when you read the first few sentences of this blog, what IMMEDIATE pain points did you feel? What were the self-talk “We can’t do that because…” thoughts in your head? I’m not even challenging the validity of those, but I am asking you to think of solutions to them.
Second, WHO did you picture right away in your mind as “the audience” for this study? If and when you read it, what person or staff or team did you visualize going over it with? I would lean into that gut feeling and find a way to get this information to them and, if you have the power, create a space for intentional dialogue about it.
Finally, what DOUBTS did you have about the takeaways from the study's authors? Did you find yourself saying “Man, I don’t believe that” to certain bullet points or paragraphs? Reflect on the WHY or HOW or WHAT of your pushback to the work, because if YOU, as the coach and adult whose lived experience far outweighs that of your players, have those hesitations, how does that inform what you think you will encounter in the rooms where you talk about this study?
I believe taking intentional time to go over these three very specific self-interrogations about this study will put you in a much better mindset AND help you do the actual preparation necessary to hold some version of a forum on it.
Because if we aren't willing to examine our own discomfort, assumptions and doubts about pornography, how prepared are we to help young men examine theirs?
Coaching Prompts
When was the last time you intentionally created space for your players to ask questions about pornography, sexuality or the messages they receive about intimacy?
What specific concerns would prevent you from facilitating a conversation about pornography with your team, and which of those concerns could be addressed through preparation or collaboration?
Who in your program or school is best equipped to help facilitate these conversations, and have you actually invited them to do so?
Player Prompts
Where have you learned most of what you believe about sex, intimacy and relationships, and how confident are you that those sources have taught you accurately?
What makes conversations about pornography uncomfortable among teammates, coaches or parents?
How do you decide whether something you see in pornography represents a healthy or realistic expectation for an actual relationship?
What Did We Give Them Permission To Do?
Here’s what I want to do with this story today (originally reported by Cory Hogue on his Substack last week).
I am not going to sit here and claim that in the almost 15 years of TeamsOfMen shaped coaching that I haven’t had young men let me down. That I haven’t had young men make stupid, harmful decisions. Guys that played for me have absolutely had moments of awful.
All of those guys that made mistakes had sat in TeamsOfMen meetings. And yet, they still made a poor decision in moments that mattered.
That is a factual statement.
What I will instead do with this story is ask you to examine what methods, processes or structures you have in place that would alert you to the existence of this kind of “internal player-led accountability” measure.
And what might you have said (directly or indirectly) that would make leaders of your team think this was OK?
According to court records, a group of players allegedly instituted a “If you are late, we fight” policy.
We, as coaches, don’t want guys to be late. All of us have some version of a speech, a sign and/or a consequence for dudes walking in late. Late doesn’t work in the real world, and we therefore, as people supposedly “teaching life lessons,” want to make sure late doesn’t work in sports either.
BUT BUT BUT…how do you, in your program, ensure that the guys don’t go to this model when trying to live up toyour “on time” philosophy?
I’m running this same self-scout myself.
What, in my high school boys basketball program, ensures that my older, better or most influential players would never lay hands on someone AND would step in to stop others from doing so?
I believe in the vision and the philosophy we aspire to here with TeamsOfMen. But saying that and living it require a very specific examination of the ways we put it into practice.
Because what our players believe accountability looks like when we're not in the room might tell us more about our program than what we preach when we are.
Coaching Prompts
• What structures exist in your program to ensure that your players' version of accountability reflects the values you claim to teach?
• How would you know if your most influential players were enforcing team standards in ways you would never approve of?
• What have you said, celebrated or allowed that your players might interpret as permission to harm a teammate in the name of accountability?
Player Prompts
• If an influential teammate decided that physical punishment was how your team should hold guys accountable, would you challenge him? Why or why not?
• When does holding a teammate accountable cross the line into controlling or harming him?
• If your coaches could see how your teammates enforce standards when adults aren't around, would they recognize the culture they believe they've built?
Bare Minimum Isn't Character
This post (originally put on IG by @atiyataranyak) is an immediate use for your coaching staff (and maybe a deep, long reflection with yourself).
I have long said in TeamsOfMen sessions, “You don’t get a cookie for keeping your hands to yourself. That is bare minimum expectation.”
And I wonder what reactions you will get with both that line and this graphic (which by the way, includes 3–4 more slides of these interrogating type questions and frames).
It also does a great job of identifying real steps to courage in young men’s lives. These three on this slide alone clearly lay out times in your life where you WILL be faced with a decision to participate in bullshit OR call it out and interrupt it.
And by doing so, you WILL be risking status with your peer group...and even an uncomfortable realization with yourself that “Damn, I can’t be that guy anymore.”
As a coaching community, we are very comfortable establishing the baseline minimum skillsets we require for playing time. We tell kids all the time that “in this program, we ALWAYS _____” and then list out things we do on the field and court that are expectations of every play, snap or at bat.
And when those expectations aren't met, we don't just shrug and say, “Well, at least he didn't do something worse.” We coach it. We rep it. We hold him accountable to it.
So why are we going around championing the “good dudes” we have when they are simply “not rapists”?
What are we actually asking them to DO?
When their boys start rating girls' bodies, do they participate? Stay quiet? Or interrupt it? When one of their teammates starts policing what his girlfriend wears, does anyone challenge him? Or do they decide that's just relationship stuff and none of their business?
Because those are choices. Those are behaviors. And those are things we can actually coach.
I don't need my players to tell me they're good dudes. I need them to demonstrate what being a good dude LOOKS like when doing so might cost them something.
And if we're comfortable demanding that kind of repetition to make them better basketball players, why wouldn't we demand it to help them become better men?
COACH PROMPTS
What behaviors do you currently praise as evidence of good character that might actually be nothing more than meeting the bare minimum?
If you asked your players to finish the sentence “In our program, we ALWAYS _____” with expectations for how they treat women and girls, what would they say?
When have you personally chosen to stay quiet rather than challenge another man's behavior because speaking up might cost you status or acceptance?
PLAYER PROMPTS
What's something guys get praised for NOT doing that you think should simply be a bare minimum expectation?
If your friends started rating girls' bodies on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you actually do? What might it cost you socially to challenge them?
Think about a time you laughed along with, stayed quiet about, or participated in something you now recognize was wrong. What would you do differently if it happened again?
The Saturday Script.
Listen, I’m as big a football fan as there is.
Between the Dallas Cowboys, the Oregon Ducks and Notre Dame, I can spend a large chunk of any weekend locked into multiple TV sets, ranting and raving about the goings on of the gridiron.
But, to be truthful, the stat above, released by RAINN recently, doesn’t shock me at all.
Many of us have tailgated before a big game. Many of us have hosted a watch party for a big game. Many of us have celebrated after a big game.
The recipe stays the same: Food, friends, ENERGY, and ALCOHOL. For hours before, during and after.
Now, couple that with the idea that this script plays out across the country every weekend in the Fall and early Winter, and you certainly can see how these settings can create opportunities for harm.
And as I am writing this, I’m also wondering if my short description is doing too much caping for “the scene” as the culprit and not enough pointing the finger where it belongs: At the men who decide that this “story” of a great Saturday always needs to end with their “getting some ass.”
We’re gonna play beer pong, then we’re going to take a stroll around the parking lot, check out the “local talent” and then hone in on whoever we decide we're entitled to see naked. Call it what it is: that's a predatory landscape ripe with folks living out their sexual conquest fantasy.
I would normally share the RAINN recommendations with you here for how to reduce risk…and sure, you should read them here and you should share them with your team.
But, as you know if you’ve been reading me lately, I don't think sharing recommendations, by itself, gets us anywhere near the work that needs to happen.
You’re going to have to challenge them. Call them out, raise your voice…then stand side by side with them as you get them to walk the path honestly for a “good weekend with the boys.”
What do they see? What do they hope for? Who do they see being necessary in the space besides their dudes? Because they are, if you have the honest relationship you claim to have, they are going to say “Coach, there’s gotta be some girls.”
GOOD. Now we're getting somewhere.
Because my next question is going to be WHY?
Why does a weekend with your boys REQUIRE access to girls? What are you hoping happens when you find them? And what happens when what YOU want isn't what THEY want?
Who among your boys is willing to say something when the plan starts moving from having a good time to treating someone else like the prize for having one?
And who gets laughed at, dismissed, or told to quit ruining the night when he does?
THAT is the conversation I want coaches having. Not because we can guarantee what every one of our players will do on a Saturday night, but because we can challenge the expectations they carry into it. The food isn't the problem. The football isn't the problem. And the presence of women certainly isn't the problem.
The problem is the men who believe a good weekend entitles them to someone else's body. And the other men who help make that belief feel normal.
COACH PROMPTS
When was the last time you asked your players to describe what a great weekend with their friends actually looks like, rather than simply reminding them to make good choices?
How comfortable are you challenging the expectation that women should be part of a successful night out for your male athletes?
If a player told you his teammates were pressuring him to help them “get some,” what would you want him to be prepared to say or do?
PLAYER PROMPTS
When you and your friends plan a night out, what makes you decide afterward that it was a GOOD night?
If one of your boys said, “There's gotta be some girls,” what do you think he actually means? What expectations come with that statement?
What happens in your friend group when someone challenges the way another guy is talking about or treating women?
You. Could. Require. More.
A play in three parts here today for our TeamsOfMen blog (shoutout to Inner Circle member and long time practitioner Coach Chris Horton of Warren Wilson for the article share).
Step one: LA Rams offensive lineman is arrested on suspicion of felony domestic violence in June 2026. He was also previously suspended by the NFL following allegations that he recorded sexual acts without his partner's consent. The civil lawsuit related to those allegations was later dismissed.
Step two: The Rams acknowledged awareness of the arrest in June 2026, stating they were gathering information and declining deeper public comment while the matter played out through legal channels. Jackson's case was eventually assigned to a prefiling diversion program that included anger management classes. No criminal charges were filed.
Step three: See for yourself (via the video of the postgame incident between Jackson and Buffalo Bills defensive end Bradley Chubb) how well that strategy and “remedy” played out.
Of course this is an emotional fluency issue. Of course this is a behavior choice in a high-stakes moment issue. Of course this is an example of a man highly fluent in anger and violence as his tools in conflict. But more importantly, this is why sports “teaching life lessons” is such a misnomer if it doesn’t include repeated, intentional repetition within a team/program/organization.
And here's where my frustration with the Rams comes in.
What evidence do we have that the LA Rams have actually “helped” Alaric Jackson? Beyond allowing him to complete the requirements of a diversion program, what have THEY done to help him develop different tools for handling conflict?
Because from the outside, it sure looks like the priority has been finding ways to keep him on the field on game days.
I don't know what has happened inside their building. But I do know what we've seen outside of it. And I think it's fair to ask whether whatever they've been doing is enough.
I would pay someone a lot of money to give me access to both HC Sean McVay’s conversation with Jackson after this punch...but also what he says to the team as a whole. Hell, I’d pay to be in the staff meeting where he and the O-line coach have to decide what accountability should actually look like.
Because now the NFL has suspended Jackson for two games without pay. And that's a consequence. But what happens beyond those two games?
What does the RAMS organization require of him?
What evidence of growth do they demand before simply putting him back on the field?
You could require verifiable proof over repeated exposure to stress where he was responding with restraint and nuance, rather than putting his hands on someone.
You could make clear that completing anger management classes isn't the same thing as demonstrating that you've learned how to manage anger.
You could.
Will you?
And that’s yet another example of “courage in the moment” being a cool slogan that very few of us live up to when it might cost us something.
COACH PROMPTS
When a player in your program repeatedly responds to conflict with aggression, what evidence of actual behavioral change do you require beyond completing a punishment or intervention?
Have you ever confused keeping a talented player eligible with actually helping him grow as a person?
If one of your best players punched an opponent after a game, what would accountability look like beyond whatever suspension your league imposed?
PLAYER PROMPTS
What's the difference between completing anger management classes and actually demonstrating that you can handle anger differently?
When a teammate repeatedly makes harmful choices, what responsibility do you have beyond telling him to calm down or stay out of trouble?
If your coach told you that you could return to the team only after demonstrating real growth, what evidence would you offer to prove you've changed?
Who Owns the Captain?
Timely situation here, given that we are all living in the wake of the Cornell gang r*** incident, AND for me personally, I was literally planning a presentation with a colleague yesterday that deals with “what does ACCOUNTABILITY actually look like?”
I won’t claim to have all the details about this situation in California, just what you can read HERE. But here's what we know. A football captain at Piner High School in Santa Rosa posted “Free the Cornell 7” on his IG. More than 200 students subsequently walked OUT of class in protest over what they saw as a lack of accountability. The football team then forfeited its next game, although the reported reason was a shortage of healthy players, not a disciplinary decision.
First, I give a TON of credit to the students who walked. That is taking matters into your own hands, standing up with action for what you believe in and forcing the powers that be to see and feel your rage at what appeared to be apathy to the post. And while I don't know what conversations happened inside that football program, I sure hope there were some difficult ones.
Now, this is as cut-and-dried a TeamsOfMen activatable conversation as we’ve had in awhile. Put up the idea that “one of us posts ‘Free the Cornell 7’”…and then simply ask “What should happen?” and wait for the responses.
I would imagine you are going to get a ton of guys saying “well, HE should pay a price, but NOT us” and to that I tell you, “That is EXACTLY where your convo needs to take place.”
Because the “captain” was either chosen via VOTE…or via promotion. Either way that is a decision made by the players or staff that “he represents US.”
Now, that doesn't mean every player on that team agrees with what he posted. It doesn't mean they all deserve the same consequence. But it DOES mean they have to confront what it means when someone chosen to represent them acts in a way that contradicts what they claim their team stands for.
If your captain represents US, what responsibility do WE have when he does something like this? Is removing him as captain enough? Is sitting him for a game enough? Is making the entire team forfeit a game accountability? Or is it simply punishment? And who gets to decide what is ENOUGH?
I would hope that somewhere inside that program, coaches and players are having a discussion around “What he posted CANNOT represent us. What are WE going to do to demonstrate that?”
Because accountability cannot simply be something that happens TO a person. There has to be some responsibility taken by the people and institutions that gave him the platform in the first place. And if we are serious about building teams where “we are our brother's keeper” actually means something, we better be willing to wrestle with what that responsibility looks like when our brother is the one causing harm.
COACH PROMPTS
When a player you've entrusted with leadership causes harm, what responsibility do you have for how your program responds?
What's the difference between holding an entire team accountable and simply punishing an entire team?
If your players disagreed with your response to a teammate's harmful behavior, would they feel empowered to challenge you?
PLAYER PROMPTS
If one of your teammates posted “Free the Cornell 7,” what do you think should happen to him? What responsibility, if any, would the rest of you have?
If you voted someone into a leadership position and they did something that violated your team's values, would you feel responsible for doing anything about it?
What's the difference between saying “That doesn't represent us” and actually doing something to prove it?
It’s a YOU Thing
My family and I used to watch a ton of Saturday Night Live.
It was one of the few programs where there was something in the hour that all 5 of us MIGHT laugh at…or at the very least, all 5 of us could agree we all loathed together and discuss why.
We don’t watch as much as we used to (Weekend Update is still something we will try to catch up on together during the week), and I have struggled for awhile to name exactly why.
It could be the rotating cast. It could be the shift in the writers' room. It could be, at least for me, that it’s really hard to laugh at sketches depicting the Orange Menace in the White House (and his legion of cronies) doing things that are actually evil.
For whatever reason, we don’t keep up with it as steadily as before.
So I didn’t see Shane Gillis' stand-up monologue this past weekend. I did, however, see the instant reaction on social media around the joke he told (click on the screengrab above for a clip) about what women wear in gyms. And, if I’m being honest, what he said is a topic that has come up almost every single year I’ve tried to teach theTeamsOfMen philosophy with young men, whether that be in college or in high school.
Namely, women’s workout clothes and the guys in the same gym catcalling, staring, or making comments about their bodies.
I’m not going to claim some Puritan level of innocence here.
I’ve been the twenty-something-year-old guy who comes back from a lift and tells his wife, “Did you see what she was wearing today?” I’ve also been the thirty-something-year-old coach who tells his guys, “Get your eyes up and focus on your own lift man. Jesus,” when I catch a group of dudes cackling about a woman on the squat rack.
And now, as a man in my forties, I can recognize that both of those moments were opportunities to examine something about myself, not the woman in the gym.
Two of the most impactful statements I’ve encountered around this topic, when I’ve broached it with women in my life, are:
“She didn’t wake up this morning, and while getting ready for her workout, say ‘Boy, I can’t wait to turn dudes on in Planet Fitness today.’”
“Have you been to Dick’s Sporting Goods as a woman looking to buy workout clothes? You think the racks in there are stuffed with baggy sweats and hoodies for the gym?”
I would absolutely bring this topic up with your team.
I would absolutely launch a discussion with “What did you think about the Shane Gillis monologue this weekend?”
I would absolutely lead with “My dudes, I’ve been there. I’ve seen what you’re seeing. And I’ve also decided that it’s on ME to not think like a Neanderthal and go about my damn business.”
Because noticing someone is attractive isn't the issue. What you decide you're entitled to do with that observation IS. There comes a point where, as a coach of men, you can lay out that failure in a moment happens to us all, but the real issue comes when you recognize that the failure (or in this case, the ogling of someone on a deadlift) is a YOU THING.
It is not a them thing.
It isn't her job to dress differently so you can behave appropriately.
It isn't her job to change her workout because you can't control where your eyes go.
And it sure as hell isn't her job to make you comfortable with the fact that she's there to work out, not to be evaluated by you.
They have every right to expect to show up to leg day free of being watched, commented on, or turned into somebody else's entertainment. They have every right to expect to show up to their workout not having to worry about what angle to do their lifts from because of some dude in the corner who can't mind his own business.
That's a responsibility we can teach our boys to own. And one we should be willing to own ourselves.
COACH PROMPTS
When your athletes joke about a woman's body or clothing, do you challenge the behavior or just tell them to stop because it's inappropriate?
What have you personally had to unlearn about women's clothing, attraction, and your own entitlement to comment?
What happens when a joke from someone like Shane Gillis becomes permission for similar language in your team room?
PLAYER PROMPTS
When you notice someone attractive at the gym, what choices do you have about what happens next?
Have you ever blamed someone's clothing for the way you or your friends behaved toward them?
If a woman knew everything your teammates said about her after she left the gym, would she still feel comfortable working out alongside you?
50+ Reasons for Hope
I’m not going to lie…I’ve had a hard time the last 48 hours finding a topic to use this space for.
I’ve been as busy as ever, in terms of in-person TeamsOfMen presentations, meetings, Zooms, etc, but the usual part of my day that is easiest for me (finding a current event in sports/pop culture to blog about here) has been difficult.
I don’t think it’s due to a sudden moral climb in the world (there’s plenty of awful still in all the feeds and inboxes I use to find topics).
Maybe it’s from the very human need for a refill of capacity and/or HOPE.
I got a jolt of that from my in-person parent night with moms and dads of male athletes at Catlin Gabel HS. 50+ parents filled a forum where I we worked through various topics and pain points that could be taking up space (physically, mentally, and emotionally) in their boys’ lives.
We talked for 90 minutes about:
The Cornell 7×57
AI Deepfakes
Gambling
Laughter as Currency
“As a Man, I Gotta”
Grifters
And we didn't just TALK. We tried to rep scenarios where we might be able to make an impact in a young man’s decision-making process.
A powerful night that of course I can’t guarantee will move the needle with every single person there (or the boys they hold dearly).
I was impressed by the MEN in attendance, as past parent nights have been overwhelmingly “boy moms.” Last night we were much closer to a 60/40 split than the usual 90/10 and I think there is hope in that.
More dads showing up to have these conversations is something worth celebrating.
I don’t have grand takeaways for you in that space (I already posted on our socials some of the powerful feedback and positive scores/reviews), but I do remain hopeful for more of those types of events.
Because for all the time I spend in this space asking men to do better, it sure feels good to be in a room full of people who showed up because they WANT to.
And maybe that's the refueling I needed.
Coach Prompts
When was the last time you intentionally recognized men who were showing up to do the work, ratherthan only focusing on those who weren't?
Are you creating opportunities for the fathers and male caregivers in your program to practice the same human skills you expect from their sons?
What have you seen recently that gives you actual evidence of HOPE in the young men you're coaching?
Player Prompts
Who is a man in your life who has shown you what it looks like to keep learning, even as an adult?
When was the last time you voluntarily entered a conversation you knew might challenge something you believed?
What's something you've seen another guy do recently that made you hopeful about the kind of men your generation can become?
Whose Face Is the Story?
I made a deliberate choice here today with the screengrab above (and really the link/article you’ll land on if you click it).
That is Lakeeta Vaccaro, ex-wife of NFL star Tyreek Hill.
That is Lakeeta Vaccaro, sister of former NFL star Kenny Vaccaro.
That is Lakeeta Vaccaro, a woman on the witness stand in a courtroom recounting the emotional and physical abuse she says she suffered during her marriage to Hill—including while she was pregnant.
I purposely didn’t put a picture of Hill here.
I also purposely didn’t put a picture of her brother here.
Because too often I know even I have been too quick to frame these DV incidents/trials/stories around the fame and stature of the person accused of abuse (in this case, Hill).
And, if you have your players do a quick Google search of this situation, you’ll see Lakeeta’s picture in small circles around an action shot of her ex scoring touchdowns OR, even more likely, an IG screengrab of them glammed up.
What you’re much less likely to see is Tyreek Hill sitting in a courtroom as the defendant while the mother of one of his children recounts what she says he did to her.
And, if it even is reported on by the Adam Schefters of the world on social media, watch what happens next.
How quickly does coverage move from what she is saying happened to her to what happens next for HIM?
Can he play?
Who might sign him?
Could the Kansas City Chiefs use him?
The entire coverage apparatus around stories like these can become so steeped in excuse and DARVO culture that I literally want to vomit.
What I want you to do, as a coach here on the TeamsOfMen blog, is force yourself to watch even five minutes of her testimony.
Play a couple of clips for your players (maybe 30 seconds each) and then ask them:
“If you were the GM of an NFL team, knowing Hill’s Pro Bowl history AND knowing what you just heard being alleged in this courtroom, what would you say to a coach who came into your office and asked you to ‘Go get Tyreek’?”
And then LISTEN. Record what you HEAR. Record what you observe.
Who immediately talks about football?
Who immediately talks about her?
Who needs more evidence?
Who attacks her credibility?
Who starts searching for reasons why what Hill could do for their team outweighs what they just heard?
Because those answers will give you a window into how victim advocacy actually operates in your space—not how everyone claims it does.
Coach Prompts
When an athlete is accused of harming someone, whose future do you instinctively start worrying about first?
When your players discuss DV or SA allegations involving an athlete, what do their FIRST responses reveal about whose humanity they center?
Could you listen to your players wrestle with this question without immediately correcting them long enough to learn what your team culture has actually taught them?
Player Prompts
When you heard the allegations against Hill, what was the first thing you wondered about: her, him, or football? Why?
How much should someone's ability to help your team matter when you're deciding how to respond to allegations that they harmed someone?
If the person accused weren't famous, wealthy or great at football, would you evaluate the same allegations differently?
You Don't Know Who's Carrying What
This post on IG from @jamylecannon is one of those that really doesn’t need much “explanation” from me.
It’s literally based on FBI/RAINN data, clearly shuts down the idea that so many men (and, yes, I’m including us coaches in that group) hide behind “Well what if she falsely accuses me of r***” AND opens eyes to the fact that men should be more worried about experiencing sexual violence themselves than being falsely accused of it.
It doesn’t get more clear-cut than that.
Where you may need TeamsOfMen is in figuring out how to deliver this to your staff and players (or, maybe even more importantly, how you sit with this yourself).
Launch point questions that come to mind right now include:
What/who lead you to believe in the prevalence of “she lied on me” situations in the first place?
After watching this video, think of one “take” you had on a public SA situation where you deployed an assumption that you know now was wrong? Who did you roll out this excuse to?
How many male athletes in your team room might be victims of sexual abuse (if you know now that 1 in 7 boys by the age of 18 will report experiencing it)?
These can lead to eye-opening, difficult realizations and conversations.
But there’s a secret power of creating space for them regularly with your team: Vulnerability is a CONNECTION POINT.
You want a team that is actually bonded in struggle and strife? You want players who can claim to “have my brother’s back”? Then stop thinking that happens by osmosis or simply because they sweated profusely together at practice.
Put them in spaces that require them to open up, to handle and process difficult emotions together, and to share truths together. I’m not suggesting you have victims out themselves…but I am suggesting you ask the men in the room to ponder
“If you knew that 17 of us in this 100 person locker room were silently carrying that history, would you still tell the jokes and laugh at the headlines the way you are now?”
That’s the work.
Coach Prompts
Who taught you to fear false allegations more than sexual violence—and what evidence have you ever demanded for that fear?
What jokes, headlines or conversations happen differently in your locker room if you assume someone present may be silently carrying a history of sexual abuse?
Are you building “brotherhood” through shared experiences alone, or actually giving your players practice processing difficult things together?
Player Prompts
If you knew one of your teammates had experienced sexual violence but hadn't told anyone, what would you wish you had never joked about around him?
What does “having my brother's back” require from you before you know what he's been through?
Who taught you what to believe when someone says they experienced sexual violence—and have you ever examined whether they were right?
Exhausted With “His Potential”
Equimundo does AMAZING work.
Their State of Men work in both 2023 AND the newest edition this past month for 2026 is absolute MUST READ literature that both educates and guides you in what the world is facing in helping men unlearn the Manbox and offers real, researched best-practices methodology to help them reimagine manhood.
I would highly suggest you follow them NOW and refer to their content often.
However, today, this particular line is something I do want to push back on.
Not because I think it is some egregious error…or some patently false statement.
I actually I really like the fact this says “humans” and isn’t what I’ve been seeing from so many folks this past week defending “men” with some version of the usual “not all men” or “boys aren’t born this way” statements. The Cornell 7×57 has brought much needed discourse around SA, DV, masculinity, the manosphere, etc…but has also brought with it well funded, highly visible sources of EXCUSES for men.
I’m not necessarily putting this from Equimundo in that category…and if you read the whole piece, there is a TON of alignment between it and TeamsOfMen’s purpose, teaching and vision.
But I think I’m at the point now where I can no longer grant a presumption of inherent goodness without requiring evidence of it.
I can’t allow us, as men, to hide culpability and participation behind “well, we aren’t born evil” without proof of action to the contrary. The moment we are born, we are required to move, to LIVE and as we grow, those movements become intentional choices we make.
We cannot hide behind our supposed “pure beginnings” while rolling in the mud every second after.
As a coach, we get ZERO points in a game from our potential…and we hammer that into our players in every practice or post-game tirade we make. “We are only as good as our last game” “The next play is the most important play” “No one wins on paper” blah blah blah.
Those cliches probably hold some truth, in terms of having to prove yourself at every new scoreboard.
So why…WHY do we settle for “Well, I know they are good guys” or “My dudes weren’t born evil” when we’re reacting to the latest headlines around men causing harm?
But, what have they DONE lately? What is the evidence of their acting to that benevolent beginning NOW, at age 15, at age 25, at age 40???
If potential doesn’t count on the scoreboard, why the hell should it count as proof of character?
Coach Prompts
If potential doesn’t count on your scoreboard, why should “he’s a good kid” count as evidence of character?
What BEHAVIORS would you point to as evidence that the men in your program are actually living the values you claim they have?
When one of your players causes harm, do you evaluate what he DID—or retreat to what you believe is “really in his heart”?
Player Prompts
If someone described you as a “good guy,” what actual evidence from the last month would support that?
What matters more in determining someone’s character: what they believe about themselves or what they repeatedly DO?
Where in your life are you still asking people to give you credit for your potential instead of your actions?
The Prevention Self-Audit
Karen Whybro is NOT to be messed with.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that anyone who is rightfully known as “Women’s Safety Consultant and international expert on creating safe spaces for women and girls through research, consultancy and training to reduce sexism & misogyny” and has the writing skills she regularly displays on LinkedIn is not someone who suffers fools in her comments.
She is one of the best follows on the platform.
Her latest (as shown above in the screengrab) is such a spot-on evaluation of the ecosystem that produces the conditions surrounding cases like Cornell that I not only had to share it, BUT also wanted to use it as an evaluation of what we’re doing with TeamsOfMen.
Each sentence that starts with “It’s…” is worthy of your scrutiny and reflection by simply swapping in “DO WE…”
Example: “It’s accountability holding grown men responsible for their actions” becomes “DO WE hold the men in our program responsible for their actions?”
From there, keep going. Do we educate the men in our program about the prevalence of male violence? Do we challenge myths about sexual violence and domestic abuse when they show up in our team rooms? Do we consider whether the spaces, events and culture surrounding our program are safe for women and girls? Do we intentionally teach AND model respect to the young men entrusted to us?
Some of the lines won’t be applicable to your sport program. Some will absolutely speak truth to you and the actual influence you CAN have on the men in your space.
Take 10 minutes with yourself today (if your staff is around, include them). Read each “It’s…” and turn it into a “DO WE…”
And if the honest answer to one of them is “No”…sit with that for a second before explaining why. Then ask what it would take to turn it into a “Yes.”
Coach Prompts
DO WE hold the men in our program accountable when their actions violate the values we claim to have?
DO WE actively challenge myths, jokes and beliefs about sexual violence when they enter our team spaces?
DO WE consider whether the culture we create around our program is actually safe for women and girls?
Player Prompts
Where do you think prevention actually starts BEFORE someone causes harm?
What beliefs about sexual violence, consent or relationships have you heard from other guys that deserve to be challenged?
What is one part of your team culture that YOU have influence over making safer or more respectful?
Today…I don’t.
Writing every day is awesome.
It feeds a drive I’ve had to express myself via the written word since I was in fourth grade.
But the topics I choose to tackle here in our TeamsOfMen blog are heavy. They are hard. And oftentimes, they are emotionally and physically draining.
This week has been engulfed by the Cornel 7×57 (I’m using that phrasing now because, as many smarter people online have pointed out, the failure of humanity extended past the 7 alleged rapists and into the group chat of silence they sent ‘Free Pu**y’ tests to).
Writing about them, texting about them, posting about them, and having at least 10 different conversations with coaches of male athletes who are in the ToM ecosystem. That’s a good thing, as we obviously have work to do in calling more men into the prevention space.
But it does become exhausting…maybe not in terms of the “my eyes are closing and I can’t stop them” way we think of physical exhaustion…but in the “Jesus, I am DONE with this shit emotionally” way.
Now, I recognize I’m carrying NOTHING compared to actual survivors. Nothing compared to frontline victim advocates and support networks. NOTHING compared to so many women IN THIS.
That doesn’t make it less taxing to feel like we’ve been screaming into the ether here at TeamsOfMen for over a decade that “You’re team room is where you can make an actual difference” only to be met, if we’re being honest (especially in terms of revenue from sales of licenses that we measure as “signing up to do this work”) silence.
And yes, I am using the measuring stick of dollars and sales.
Because when a coach, school or organization buys a TeamsOfMen license, that is one tangible version of someone saying, “We’re signing up to do this work.” If you VALUE something you have to prove it with TIME and or MONEY invested into it.
And too often, they don’t.
It’s beyond frustrating.
It’s actually enraging and hope-stealing.
For every “Kip, this made me realize we have to bring your stuff to our place” there is silence, an ostrich like plunging of heads into the ground and doubling down on practice plans of pure sport, no character.
I don’t have the answer here today, In reality, I barely had the will to write a blog post today. I had a “what is the fucking point” moment.
I’ll be fine tomorrow. I’ll have a renewed zest for it tomorrow. I’ll probably even had a refilled cup of delusion that we CAN do this.
But I don’t have it today.
And maybe the most honest thing I can write today is that doing work you believe deeply matters does not mean you always believe it is working.
Today, I don’t.
Until tomorrow…
Coach Prompts
When was the last time you wondered whether the “life lessons” you say you teach are actually reaching your players
Where have you confused talking about character with actually creating time in your program to PRACTICE it
If your practice plan shows exactly what you value, how much space did you intentionally give this week to anything beyond the sport?
Player Prompts
What is something you’ve heard repeatedly from coaches that you didn’t understand the importance of until later?
When the adults around you keep bringing up difficult topics, what makes you engage instead of tuning them out?
What is one conversation about life, relationships or manhood you wish your team would actually make space for?
Show Them This
I’ve spent much of this week in a slow-burning rage.
Much of that I can attribute directly to the Cornell situation, and not only my Monday writing on it, but subsequent follow-ups, not only across general culture and on social media, but direct commentary back to me that is, for lack of a better phrase, victim blaming at its height.
I watched in fury as The View co host Sonny Hostin tried to both sides, legalese her way around what I saw as a victim blaming stance.
I read in rage comments on various Cornell 7 posts that tried to excuse away the men’s alleged behavior, infantilize them AND deploy the usual DARVO tactics we all know and loathe (but also have come to expect).
Hell I went back and forth with a random on Bluesky who tried to hide behind the semantics of an awful New York state law and pretend they were having a hard time dealing with the “messy” of the situation.
If I’m at this point of exasperation and anger, I can only imagine what survivors are feeling this week.
That being said, I wanted to share the above graphic (originally posted on IG by @givingthetalk) as a very simple “Listen, are you moved by this? Yes? Are you around men? Yes? Then show them this dammit” share.
It’s very easy to decipher…it’s based in a reality where a clean “No” may not be available, but that does NOT make the absence of a “No” consent.
You can literally post it, print it, hang it, share it.
Done.
I don’t have the energy to go further today here…not because I have less resolve, but because I don’t want to give folks the option to “opt out” of the conversation because we get too far in the weeds of our educated language and research-based verbiage.
Share the “KNOW ‘NO’” and sit with it.
Coach Prompts:
What keeps you from simply putting a graphic like this in front of your players?
Where might your players have learned that the absence of “no” means permission to continue?
Are you making consent education so complicated that it becomes easier to avoid doing it?
Player Prompts:
If someone never says “no,” what tells you they actually WANT what is happening?
Why might someone be unable or unwilling to give a clean, verbal “no”?
What should you be looking and listening for instead of simply waiting to hear the word “no”?
Rehearse Them Out of Silence
Now, today’s blog action step is going to require you to have access to scroll an X post.
And I recognize that in 2026 that may be a deal breaker for some of you. I’m still on it, even though I refrain from posting there unless it’s a Dallas Cowboys in-game rant thread OR it’s a day like the past few with the Cornell 7 and I’m in a mood to battle bots and MAGA folks all day long. I have NOT been able to quit it, despite repeated attempts.
Today, however, that is probably a good thing because otherwise, I wouldn’t have this very usable post and comment thread to share with coaches of male athletes.
It’s in response to the Cornell 7 allegations (which, rightfully so, have set the internet ablaze this week) and is from a post that correctly identifies that male-dominated spaces like frats, sports and industry are (without intentional work) places of perpetration and silence, NOT of victim advocacy and prevention.
Now, you can stop on that post and just read it to your team and ask “Thoughts?”. That will get you a solid 10-minute conversation with your players about the incident, about climate and culture, etc. It will be good.
But to take it one step further and get into more TRUTH…you need to read the first post and then ask them to scroll the responses. Better yet…put the post by itself up on the screen…and then READ the comments with real emotion (i.e. if they all-caps something, you scream it out loud).
Then ask your guys, with a partner, with a group, etc the following:
Do you think that response is something you would hear from your circle of friends or teammates?
How would you respond to that?
Have you witnessed your coach, your dad, your teacher, any trusted male adult stand up to comments like that (in writing or in person)? How did they do it?
This is a real TeamsOfMen convo.
This is an actual rep in interruption.
And without interruption, without actual tools to use when the moment of truth arises, our young men are left on their own and most likely will choose SILENCE (just like the other 53 men did in that text thread from Cornell).
Coach Prompts
If your players read this comment thread, which responses would sound NORMAL to them?
Have your players ever actually watched YOU interrupt a sexist, victim-blaming or dismissive comment?
Where in your program are players getting reps in what to SAY—not simply being told what they should believe?
Player Prompts
Do you think that response is something you would hear from your circle of friends or teammates?
What would you actually SAY if someone you know made that comment in front of you?
Think of a trusted male adult you’ve watched push back on something like this. What did he actually DO that you could use yourself?