The Behaviors We Don’t Name Are the Ones That Spread
This post from @prodigyathletics.hockey came across my feed the other day, and I sent it straight to my “respond to later” file.
I don’t have huge issues with what’s in the list — it includes things like:
Blaming others after mistakes
Skipping team lifts or meetings
Talking bigger than you play
Half-effort in practice
Always making it about you
Neglecting off-ice work
All fair points. But my real question is about what’s missing.
There are some positive traits implied here — trust, accountability, commitment — all good. But where are the things that actually get young men removed from the respect of their peers?
Where’s lying?
Where’s constantly degrading others?
Where’s saying offensive things?
Where’s treating women poorly?
I’m not suggesting the author doesn’t see those as wrong — I’m sure he does. But the fact that we rarely name them publicly, or assume our audience of coaches “already knows,” says a lot.
We can’t say we’re building brave spaces or molding better men if we won’t explicitly call out the behaviors that break both.
If the worst sin in your program is “missing lifts,” but not misogyny or cruelty, then the work isn’t as complete as we think.
Coach Prompts
When was the last time your team explicitly discussed what respect looks like off the field?
How often do you name the behaviors that truly damage trust, not just the ones that affect performance?
Would your players know where you stand on issues like misogyny, slurs, or lying — or are they guessing?
Player Prompts
What’s one thing you’ve seen a teammate do that made you lose respect for them — and did you ever tell them?
Which matters more to you — being known as a hard worker or being known as someone people can trust?
How does your behavior outside practice reflect on the kind of teammate you are inside it?
