“We’re Either More Than Our Urges… or We’re Lying to Ourselves.”
I think content like this—a meme, a screenshot, a quick-hit post—is best used while standing beside or sitting among your players when you put it up on screen. That setup matters. It frames you as someone reacting with them, not at them. It helps defuse defensiveness before it shuts down the moment.
Phrases like:
“How does this hit you?”
“I know where I stand on this, but I want to hear from you first”
...can open space for them to grapple with what’s being said, instead of gearing up to dismiss it.
That said—I’m not interested in coddling our guys through these conversations. I do believe in their capacity to grow and to change. But I’m not buying the rising tide of grievance-driven male victimhood that says we have to sugarcoat basic truth. Past generations of men did cause harm. And our young men are not fragile—they’re capable of rising above the scars left behind.
In terms of the teaching point here:
How many times have they heard someone say women are to blame for what happens to them, based on what they wore or how they acted?
How often are they told that men are the more logical sex—that we can be trusted to remain calm and in control?
Do they see the contradiction?
That’s when I’d say this plainly:
“I believe we are more than some Neanderthal collection of urges. I believe we are capable of being attracted to someone and still knowing how to act. And because I believe that, I expect you to live up to it—on this team and beyond it.”
Coach Prompt:
When was the last time you challenged the idea that “boys will be boys”? How do you help your players see themselves as more than just their impulses?
Player Prompt (Optional):
Have you ever heard someone say a woman “was asking for it” based on what she wore? What did you think or feel in that moment—and did you say anything? Why or why not?
