Boundaries Aren’t Soft — They’re Structure.
This post from Jen Fry is something every staff should grapple with before bringing it to their team.
Why? Because I don’t think boundaries get anywhere near the attention they deserve in most programs.
We spend a ton of time building “standards,” defining “expectations,” and deciding consequences for when those aren’t met. But how often do we talk about boundaries—what they mean, where they are, and how to honor them?
For a lot of coaches, the word boundaries instantly triggers thoughts of consent—and that’s where the discomfort shows up. Some avoid it out of fear or lack of knowledge. Others assume it’s “not our lane.”
But boundaries live everywhere in our programs. They show up when:
A player decides how much pain or exhaustion they’re willing to push through.
A coach gives a correction and the tone crosses a personal line.
Teammates interact in the locker room, on the bus, in the weight room.
“Who can say what to me?”
“What kind of physical contact is okay?”
“When does intensity become disrespect?”
These are all boundary questions. If we as a staff aren’t aware of what we’re asking our players to accept, endure, or ignore, we risk crossing a line that damages trust—without even realizing it.
I’m not saying we can’t set high standards. I’m saying we need to define them clearly and make sure they’re not mistaken for ownership of someone else’s limits.
Boundaries don’t weaken a team.
They protect it—from confusion, from conflict, and from harm we didn’t mean to cause.
Coach Prompts
When’s the last time your staff named specific boundaries—between players, between coaches, or between the two?
What behaviors or language do you consider “normal coaching” that might cross a player’s personal boundary?
How can you model holding firm standards without blurring those lines?
Player Prompts
What are examples of boundaries you want respected in your team environment?
How do you respond when a boundary of yours is crossed—by a teammate or coach?
What’s one way you can help others feel safe setting their own boundaries this season?
