Coaches: Can Your Players Tell the Difference Between “Not That Deep” and Real Harm?
I want to give credit to Shenikka Moore-Clark, who posted the Instagram carousel linked above and here. When I first came across it, I was struck by the similarities to a lesson we ran with my boys varsity basketball team this past summer on Hurt vs. Harm vs. Abuse. That session was powerful—we asked young men to identify the differences between those three and where in their sports, academic, and personal lives they might encounter them.
Moore-Clark (@the.healingvibe) hits on something even more likely to show up in young men’s daily lives in 2025: words matter. And fluency with words is something players need just as much as fluency with any skill on the court.
I won’t steal her entire post here (it’s absolutely worth a full dive for you and your staff), but think about the potential of your guys being equipped to respond clearly and correctly to things said to them—or about them. How many times have you found yourself refereeing disputes between players only to hear, “It wasn’t that big a deal,” or “It’s not that deep”?
What if your players could accurately examine the words thrown their way, name the difference between harmless, hurtful, or harmful, and then choose the right response? That’s growth. That’s emotional fluency. And that’s a team less likely to implode from the inside out.
Coach Prompts
How often do you intentionally teach your players to unpack the meaning and impact of the words they use?
When disputes break out, do you help your athletes distinguish between hurt feelings and genuine harm?
What systems or lessons could you introduce this season to build fluency in “words matter”?
Player Prompts
Have you ever brushed something off with “it’s not that deep” when it actually was?
What’s the difference between being hurt by words and being harmed by them?
How would your team be different if you all learned how to tell the difference?
