Dating ≠ Debt Collection: Why Coaches Must Ask the Hard Questions

One of the tools we’ve used to better meet teams where they are during onboarding is an Agree / Disagree / Unsure survey. We pose 15 questions for coaches to ask their players (across 3 categories we know we can help them grow in), and then launch work in the spots where the answers expose a need.

I bring that up because one of the questions directly confronts the toxic idea in the X post above (30 million views!) that a man should expect physical intimacy based on dollars spent on a date.

I would HOPE your locker room would answer DISAGREE when shown this image with the caption “She owes me because I spent $450 on her.” But the likes and comments tell us too many men actually hold this view.

What might be worse? The top comment below it: “That’s tuition, not a loss… you just paid to learn the difference between investment and waste. Spend money on women who value your presence not your wallet.”

That’s pseudo-intellectual nonsense. A woman only values you if she submits to your sexual desires on the spot? That’s the message these guys are running with.

And here’s the hard truth: if you’re afraid to bring this image into your team room this season, you’re probably afraid of the level of AGREEMENT you’d see from your own players. Which means you have work to do.

Coach Prompt

Would your team answer Disagree if shown this post in a survey? Or would you be surprised by how many say Agree? How do you plan to challenge that?

Player Prompt

Does spending money on a date mean someone “owes” you intimacy? If your answer is “yes,” where did you learn that—and what do you think it says about how you see women?