It’s a YOU Thing
My family and I used to watch a ton of Saturday Night Live.
It was one of the few programs where there was something in the hour that all 5 of us MIGHT laugh at…or at the very least, all 5 of us could agree we all loathed together and discuss why.
We don’t watch as much as we used to (Weekend Update is still something we will try to catch up on together during the week), and I have struggled for awhile to name exactly why.
It could be the rotating cast. It could be the shift in the writers' room. It could be, at least for me, that it’s really hard to laugh at sketches depicting the Orange Menace in the White House (and his legion of cronies) doing things that are actually evil.
For whatever reason, we don’t keep up with it as steadily as before.
So I didn’t see Shane Gillis' stand-up monologue this past weekend. I did, however, see the instant reaction on social media around the joke he told (click on the screengrab above for a clip) about what women wear in gyms. And, if I’m being honest, what he said is a topic that has come up almost every single year I’ve tried to teach theTeamsOfMen philosophy with young men, whether that be in college or in high school.
Namely, women’s workout clothes and the guys in the same gym catcalling, staring, or making comments about their bodies.
I’m not going to claim some Puritan level of innocence here.
I’ve been the twenty-something-year-old guy who comes back from a lift and tells his wife, “Did you see what she was wearing today?” I’ve also been the thirty-something-year-old coach who tells his guys, “Get your eyes up and focus on your own lift man. Jesus,” when I catch a group of dudes cackling about a woman on the squat rack.
And now, as a man in my forties, I can recognize that both of those moments were opportunities to examine something about myself, not the woman in the gym.
Two of the most impactful statements I’ve encountered around this topic, when I’ve broached it with women in my life, are:
“She didn’t wake up this morning, and while getting ready for her workout, say ‘Boy, I can’t wait to turn dudes on in Planet Fitness today.’”
“Have you been to Dick’s Sporting Goods as a woman looking to buy workout clothes? You think the racks in there are stuffed with baggy sweats and hoodies for the gym?”
I would absolutely bring this topic up with your team.
I would absolutely launch a discussion with “What did you think about the Shane Gillis monologue this weekend?”
I would absolutely lead with “My dudes, I’ve been there. I’ve seen what you’re seeing. And I’ve also decided that it’s on ME to not think like a Neanderthal and go about my damn business.”
Because noticing someone is attractive isn't the issue. What you decide you're entitled to do with that observation IS. There comes a point where, as a coach of men, you can lay out that failure in a moment happens to us all, but the real issue comes when you recognize that the failure (or in this case, the ogling of someone on a deadlift) is a YOU THING.
It is not a them thing.
It isn't her job to dress differently so you can behave appropriately.
It isn't her job to change her workout because you can't control where your eyes go.
And it sure as hell isn't her job to make you comfortable with the fact that she's there to work out, not to be evaluated by you.
They have every right to expect to show up to leg day free of being watched, commented on, or turned into somebody else's entertainment. They have every right to expect to show up to their workout not having to worry about what angle to do their lifts from because of some dude in the corner who can't mind his own business.
That's a responsibility we can teach our boys to own. And one we should be willing to own ourselves.
COACH PROMPTS
When your athletes joke about a woman's body or clothing, do you challenge the behavior or just tell them to stop because it's inappropriate?
What have you personally had to unlearn about women's clothing, attraction, and your own entitlement to comment?
What happens when a joke from someone like Shane Gillis becomes permission for similar language in your team room?
PLAYER PROMPTS
When you notice someone attractive at the gym, what choices do you have about what happens next?
Have you ever blamed someone's clothing for the way you or your friends behaved toward them?
If a woman knew everything your teammates said about her after she left the gym, would she still feel comfortable working out alongside you?
