Honesty Isn’t The Same As Humiliation
Today’s TeamsOfMen blog is in response to this post.
I’ll be honest — part of me really resonates with it.
And another part of me wants to point to it and say, THIS false binary framing is exactly why coaching is in dire need of reform.
First, where I agree.
There is a real truth here: when you deliver criticism to a player — whether it’s about something they did on the court or something they did away from it — you are putting the harmony of your relationship at risk.
Often times we as coaches are the only adults in a young person’s life who will tell them they are falling short somewhere.
That’s hard.
And it often comes with tension for a while after those hard truths are delivered.
But here’s where I think we as coaches sometimes hide behind this idea.
We lean on the old script of: “I say what I say and if it hurts your feelings, so be it.”
And that’s not coaching honesty. That’s laziness. You can build relationships that can handle calls for growth.
But that requires intentionality.
You can deliver critique without f-bombs. Without personal attacks. Without humiliation.
At the same time, you can also build your players’ resilience so they can hear hard truths without collapsing or shutting down.
Both things can be true. But they require practice. They require reps. They require time.
And maybe that’s the real shift coaching needs to make.
Maybe you don’t need that extra 20 minutes of film today. Maybe you use that time to start building the type of team culture where players understand:
“We love each other enough to tell the truth here.” And because we claim that… we have to practice it.
Coach Prompts
How do you currently deliver hard truths to players?
Do your players trust that criticism is coming from care?
What structures exist in your program to practice receiving feedback?
Player Prompts
What’s the difference between honesty and disrespect?
When someone critiques you, how do you usually react?
What helps you trust that criticism is meant to help you grow?
