If We Swapped Jerseys...
Today’s blog is based on this IG post from @akisnba_ and I think it serves as the perfect reminder that we are training a new lens for our players to use when interacting with the world. Whether that be through pop culture, current sporting events, or the communities they call home, we're trying to help young men develop a different lens for interpreting the world around them. If we're doing this work correctly, they should increasingly be able to recognize and call out moments where the Man Box is at play, even when nobody points it out for them.
This post highlights one of those moments. It asks readers to compare the way identical behaviors are described depending on whether the athlete is a man or a woman. A man can have a "killer instinct." A woman displaying that same competitive edge is labeled "too aggressive." If a man's emotions boil over during competition, he's praised for being passionate about winning. A woman showing those same emotions becomes "too much drama." The labels change, but the behavior often doesn't.
The examples continue, but what I want you to really lean into with your guys isn't whether they agree with every single comparison. Instead, ask them when they first became aware that one gender was given permission while the other was not. At what point did they begin to recognize that the exact same characteristic could be celebrated in one person while criticized in another simply because of gender? That's a much more interesting conversation than debating any one athlete or headline.
Because if our culture creates two different standards for something as public and relatively insignificant as a basketball game, imagine the expectations it creates in workplaces, relationships, parenting, politics, and leadership. Imagine how many invisible rules boys and girls absorb long before anyone explicitly teaches them.
That's why I love using posts like this with teams. They aren't designed to tell players what conclusion they have to reach. They're designed to sharpen their ability to recognize patterns. And once someone begins recognizing those patterns, it's incredibly difficult to go back to believing they don't exist. That's the heart of Mirror Training. Not memorizing the "right" answer, but developing the awareness to notice systems and structures that only continue operating when nobody stops long enough to question them.
Coach Prompts
What messages about masculinity and femininity are your players picking up from sports that you never explicitly teach?
When have you caught yourself describing the same behavior differently depending on who was displaying it?
How often do you pause to ask your team why we use certain words to describe athletes?
Player Prompts
Looking at the graphic, which pair of labels surprised you the most? Why?
Can you think of an athlete—male or female—who has been described differently than someone else displaying the same behavior?
Have you ever changed the way you acted because you thought people would judge you differently?
