“Men WILL Speak Up” — But Only If We Equip Them To
I’m posting this today for two reasons.
First, out of deep respect for Professor Michael Flood—someone I’ve learned from for years. His work on violence prevention, reimagining masculinity, and what it means for men to hold each other accountable is unmatched. He’s prolific (papers, toolkits, social posts), and if you’re a coach who cares about building men, you should be following him.
📌 @MichaelGLFlood on X
📌 XYOnline Author Page
Second, because this one post of his—listing five reasons why men should speak up when their friend is being abusive or sleazy—is the game.
Flood’s Five Reasons to Speak Up
Because the behavior is wrong and does harm.
Because you were there. You witnessed it.
“The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.”
You’re their friend—and have a chance to help them grow.
They’ll listen to you more than anyone else.
Let’s sit with #3 and #4 for a minute.
Most coaches I know have used a version of #3 to yell about locker room messes or lazy reps: “If you don’t correct it, you condone it!”
But how many of us apply that to the language our players use? The jokes in the locker room? The “she’s for everyone” comments on the bus?
And #4? That’s what friendship is supposed to mean.
Not silence. Not “I got your back, so I’ll just stand here while you say something reckless.” But support—real support—means pushing each other toward better.
Now, I’ll be honest: I don’t love every suggestion from the “Men Speak Up” handout (attached below).
The “what if it was your sister?” trope can reinforce the same possessive nonsense we’re trying to undo.
But I do love that it gives guys actual phrases to use.
Because this is where we lose the moment:
“I know I’m supposed to speak up... but I don’t know what to say.”
Let’s change that.
Find 2–3 phrases you believe in.Teach them to your players.
Role-play it. Let them try it. Let them fumble it.
And most importantly—let them see that standing up doesn’t mean standing alone.
Coach Prompt:
How do you prepare your guys to interrupt harm in the moment? What phrases have you given them to say?
Player Prompt:
What’s something you’ve heard or seen a teammate say that didn’t sit right—and how could you respond next time?
