Why Peer Pressure Shapes Masculinity—and How Coaches Can Change the Script

I would love for everyone to both read the caption from the post above and listen to the interview clip it’s attached to. I found myself really leaning into the caption, because it validates why TeamsOfMen work belongs in team rooms. The research shows we cannot assume—even with well-intentioned fathers—that positive masculinity will automatically be shaped at home.

We’ve all seen it: players holding each other to impossible, Manbox-driven standards. We’ve witnessed the vitriol young men can face from teammates if they don’t measure up to those standards.

Dr. Hartman’s framing of loneliness as an existential human fear also hit me hard. Guys in your team room, desperate to belong, will do almost anything to avoid being ostracized. And that means they’ll perform harmful stereotypes of manhood if that’s what it takes to stay “in.”

But here’s the hope: we can flip this axis. Coaches can make spaces open to all, rooted in emotional fluency and curiosity. We can build teams where belonging doesn’t require conformity to the Manbox, but instead celebrates connection, vulnerability, and growth. You still get a connected team—but instead of a culture of perpetration, you create a culture of stigma-breakers.

Coach Prompts

• Do your players feel like they have to perform masculinity to belong on your team?

• How does your program distinguish between “fitting in” and true belonging?

• What practices are you using to ensure your team culture doesn’t punish vulnerability?

Player Prompts

• Have you ever gone along with something in the locker room just to avoid being left out?

• What’s the difference between fitting in and actually belonging on your team?

• When have you felt most accepted for who you are rather than what you can prove?