Stop Handing Down Harm and Calling It Coaching

I saw this quote and the father in me — and the coach in me — both went straight into self-reflection mode.

It took me back to moments I’d love a do-over on. Moments where I know I defaulted to what I saw modeled for me — the raised voice, the intimidation, the “scare you straight” version of parenting I saw growing up. And on the court? Just as many. I can remember the times I went full rage mode on a player in a huddle or at halftime, thinking somehow that anger was the key to flipping a scoreboard.

Those moments are tough to sit with now. Embarrassing. Disappointing. But this quote didn’t let me off the hook — it lit a fire.

This isn’t about saying “I have demons, so it’s not my fault.” This is about doing the work. Naming the demons. Processing them. Owning what you’ve carried… so your children — and your players — don’t inherit it.

Just because old Coach Smith went scorched earth in the 90s doesn’t mean you get to do it in 2025. That dad, that coach, needs to be fired.

You are responsible for making sure your best self is the one that calls kids UP — not breaks them down.

Coach Prompt

What coaching behaviors do I excuse as “old school toughness” that are actually unhealed habits from someone else’s playbook?

Player Prompt

Can I name a moment when someone’s reaction to me felt way bigger than the situation — and what might’ve been underneath it?