Stop Trying to Scream Manhood Into Young Men
I hadn’t heard of @thedearsonpodcast before, but this clip came through my algorithm today, and I’m really thankful it did. Not just for the line in the caption—“You’re too ready to take your son out, but not ready to bring him in”—but also for what he says in the clip itself:
“You can’t bully your son into manhood.”
That’s a powerful reframing for dads… and for coaches. Because we’re often guilty of trying to mandate good behavior or strong character out of the young men we lead, using the very same tools we claim to be fighting against: screaming, intimidation, and public shaming.
With my own oldest son (he’s 18 and at community college now), I wrestle with this all the time—what parts of me do I want him to have and act on, and what parts do I not want him to carry forward?
Our programs work the same way. There are traits we use as competitors that absolutely serve our players once the game starts. But if we’re going to double down on those, we’d better also own the traits that don’t serve them—and make sure they know which ones they should leave behind.
That’s real coaching. That’s real fatherhood.
Coach Prompts
Do you ever use the same tone or tactics with your players that you wouldn’t tolerate them using on others?
Which parts of your own competitive drive serve your athletes—and which parts harm them?
When’s the last time you showed your players strength through calm, not control?
How do you “bring your players in” instead of “taking them out” when they make mistakes?
Player Prompts
How do you respond when someone tries to “toughen you up” through yelling or intimidation?
Who in your life models manhood in a way you actually want to follow?
What’s one “dad move” or “coach move” that you’ve promised yourself you won’t repeat?
What does real strength look like to you—control or compassion?
