Warm Feet, Cold Hearts: Coaching and the Manbox

I don’t know the full context of this post. It could be a joke — but if that’s the case, you make that offhand attempt at humor directly to the player, behind closed doors. You don’t post it and then try to hide behind the cliché excuse of “it was just a joke.”

At best, if this was poor humor, this coach needs to evaluate his communication methods and timing. But if it’s what I think it is — another Manbox-bathed critique of “today’s kids” — then it’s exactly why coaches remain the focus of TeamsOfMen.

Because we have mandated platforms with young men every day of a season (and often beyond), what we believe—and how those beliefs shape our words and actions—matters. If, as in this example, a coach believes toughness equals mocking a player for wanting warm feet, he spreads that message both online and in the locker room.

Instead of thinking, “Why don’t we have extra socks or warmers for this exact situation?” he defaults to ridicule. And that ridicule either forces players to stomach the disrespect and keep quiet—or worse, teaches them to pass that same distorted version of manhood down the line.

His feet matter. His comfort matters. His humanity matters.
We have to be better.

Coach Prompts

• What kind of toughness are you modeling—resilience or ridicule?

• When a player shows vulnerability (physical or emotional), how do you respond in front of others?

• Would your players describe your leadership as empowering or performative?

• Does your staff have shared language for distinguishing softness from self-care?

Player Prompts

• Have you ever stayed quiet while a teammate got mocked—what stopped you from stepping in?

• How do you personally define “toughness”?

• Can comfort and competitiveness coexist for you?

• What would it look like to call out a “joke” that actually hurts someone on your team?