The Manbox Goes to Homecoming

This one you might disagree with me on.

MAYBE it’s an example of me looking too far, too deep, being too “Kip-ish” about something.

But I think “moshing” or “mosh pits” at high school dances are an example of Manbox harm.

I've heard stories from our partner high schools about this phenomenon, and you can google “mosh pits at high school dances” and get up to speed visually on what I'm talking about (which I know, a mosh pit isn’t ‘new’ necessarily, but the planned execution of it at formal high school dances is).

In essence, dudes are ruining the vibe of the whole dance. They decide to circle up and start bumping and blasting into one another, with little regard for not only their safety but anyone in the vicinity.

Picture the scene: a group of young men, who didn’t come with dates and most likely came with one another, aren’t about to ask a girl to dance and/or are awkward at best dancers themselves and decide the whole scene is designed for them to enjoy (and them alone) and so they launch into the universal “boy language” of crashing and wrestling.

By the end, there is a circle of human flesh slamming into one another, the culprits laughing like jackals while others are annoyed and often in the line of fire.

Why is this Manbox behavior, and not simply the tired trope of “boys will be boys”?

Because it’s rooted in a belief that every space is supposed to be for any man willing to take it over…because it’s wrapped in the idea that my physical body takes precedence over yours…and because it spreads like wildfire in a group of dudes who have joined forces to be aggressive.

And here's the thing: nobody else on that dance floor was asked whether they wanted to participate. The group simply decided that everyone else would have to accommodate them.

Physical injuries are a possible outcome (yes to the boys who are moshing, but more importantly to anyone in their vicinity who did NOT want to mosh). The overall VIBE and TONE of the dance is dramatically altered. And resentment builds in the rest of the student body towards the young men who started the thing.

Yes, some schools have taken up the idea of having kids sign behavior agreements before they attend any dance.

Yes, some schools have had their chaperones (either admin or volunteers) literally dive in and break up the pits.

But, once again, coaches have an opportunity to be frontline prevention workers in this scenario.

You KNOW when there is a dance.

You KNOW who is going and who isn’t.

You often have a practice or game before the damn thing.

You can, at the very least, say “No stupid ass MOSHING guys. If I hear of it, we are running.”

It literally is that simple.

Of course, I would want you to be doing regular, consistent ToM work, so this type of conversation doesn’t seem like it’s out of left field to your team. BUT, if the bare minimum you can muster the time to do is telling them “I’m getting reports on your behavior at Homecoming” we’re at least doing something.

Because this isn't really about dancing. It's about teaching young men that being part of a group doesn't give them permission to take over a space, disregard other people's boundaries, or make their enjoyment everyone else's problem.

And that's absolutely Manbox work.

Coaching Prompts

What behaviors outside of athletics have you dismissed as "boys will be boys" without examining who might be negatively impacted?

How are you teaching your players that being part of a group doesn't give them permission to dominate a shared space?

What opportunities do you have BEFORE school events to communicate expectations about respecting others' physical boundaries and enjoyment?

Player Prompts

Agree or Disagree: If a group of guys is having fun together, they shouldn't have to stop just because other people are uncomfortable. Why or why not?

Have you ever participated in something with a group of friends that you wouldn't have done by yourself? What changed when you were part of the group?

When does your group's version of having fun become disrespectful or harmful to people who aren't participating?