Violence In The Vocabulary
Full disclosure: While this post (from @sarah_atkinterinwa) is probably more readily usable by college coaches of male athletes, it SHOULD be deployed at High School and Middle School as well.
Why do I say that? Because I’ve coached both levels AND, maybe more importantly, because I’ve raised sons (19 and 14 years old) and I know exposure to this belief system regarding sexual performance and intimacy bled into their lives at those earlier ages. The longer the time span between it being imbedded and the moment we try to get them extract and unlearn it, the harder the process becomes.
You hear this language not only in terms of ways to have sex with a woman, but ALSO in how we are going to emerge victorious in a game. Whether it be football, basketball, baseball or soccer, you hear coaches and player alike demand they “dominate,” “destroy,” or “belt to ass” opponents.
Listen, I’m competitive as hell. I want to win games and win games by a lot of points. But, we’ve taken strides in the past two years to change the language we use in our spaces while still maintaining a relentless quest for victory.
We don’t say “sniper” anymore when someone trips over themselves. We say “timber”. We don’t say “Corner Kill” anymore when we want to iso a bad defender off the dribble. We say “Corner Brunson”. I don’t tell my player to “put our foot on their neck.” I say “End the game. Here and now.”
These felt awkard to say at first, and I’ve definitely slipped up and reverted at times. But the fact we told our players the how and why of the change in verbiage meant they went on the unlearning journey with us. That shared journey is another connection point in the program, and we know authentic connection drives change.
Now, whether you can address the language above about sexual intercourse (due to admin, due to parents, due to your own worries about age) is something you will have to gauge yourself. BUT, if nothing else, start with a deep examination of the violence infused language you used to describe your game. In your search for alternatives, your players will see you modeling a shift they can copy.
Coach Prompts
What violence-infused language is normalized in your program without anyone questioning it?
Are there terms in your team space that unintentionally reinforce harmful ideas about dominance, gender, or worth?
If you changed one piece of language tomorrow, what would it be and how would you explain the “why” to players?
Player Prompts
What words or phrases do athletes use so often that nobody even thinks about what they mean anymore?
Have you ever heard language around sports or relationships that felt normal at first but weird once you stopped to think about it?
What’s one phrase you think your team should retire and replace?
