Exhausted With “His Potential”
Equimundo does AMAZING work.
Their State of Men work in both 2023 AND the newest edition this past month for 2026 is absolute MUST READ literature that both educates and guides you in what the world is facing in helping men unlearn the Manbox and offers real, researched best-practices methodology to help them reimagine manhood.
I would highly suggest you follow them NOW and refer to their content often.
However, today, this particular line is something I do want to push back on.
Not because I think it is some egregious error…or some patently false statement.
I actually I really like the fact this says “humans” and isn’t what I’ve been seeing from so many folks this past week defending “men” with some version of the usual “not all men” or “boys aren’t born this way” statements. The Cornell 7×57 has brought much needed discourse around SA, DV, masculinity, the manosphere, etc…but has also brought with it well funded, highly visible sources of EXCUSES for men.
I’m not necessarily putting this from Equimundo in that category…and if you read the whole piece, there is a TON of alignment between it and TeamsOfMen’s purpose, teaching and vision.
But I think I’m at the point now where I can no longer grant a presumption of inherent goodness without requiring evidence of it.
I can’t allow us, as men, to hide culpability and participation behind “well, we aren’t born evil” without proof of action to the contrary. The moment we are born, we are required to move, to LIVE and as we grow, those movements become intentional choices we make.
We cannot hide behind our supposed “pure beginnings” while rolling in the mud every second after.
As a coach, we get ZERO points in a game from our potential…and we hammer that into our players in every practice or post-game tirade we make. “We are only as good as our last game” “The next play is the most important play” “No one wins on paper” blah blah blah.
Those cliches probably hold some truth, in terms of having to prove yourself at every new scoreboard.
So why…WHY do we settle for “Well, I know they are good guys” or “My dudes weren’t born evil” when we’re reacting to the latest headlines around men causing harm?
But, what have they DONE lately? What is the evidence of their acting to that benevolent beginning NOW, at age 15, at age 25, at age 40???
If potential doesn’t count on the scoreboard, why the hell should it count as proof of character?
Coach Prompts
If potential doesn’t count on your scoreboard, why should “he’s a good kid” count as evidence of character?
What BEHAVIORS would you point to as evidence that the men in your program are actually living the values you claim they have?
When one of your players causes harm, do you evaluate what he DID—or retreat to what you believe is “really in his heart”?
Player Prompts
If someone described you as a “good guy,” what actual evidence from the last month would support that?
What matters more in determining someone’s character: what they believe about themselves or what they repeatedly DO?
Where in your life are you still asking people to give you credit for your potential instead of your actions?
