You Don't Know Who's Carrying What

This post on IG from @jamylecannon is one of those that really doesn’t need much “explanation” from me.

It’s literally based on FBI/RAINN data, clearly shuts down the idea that so many men (and, yes, I’m including us coaches in that group) hide behind “Well what if she falsely accuses me of r***” AND opens eyes to the fact that men should be more worried about experiencing sexual violence themselves than being falsely accused of it.

It doesn’t get more clear-cut than that.

Where you may need TeamsOfMen is in figuring out how to deliver this to your staff and players (or, maybe even more importantly, how you sit with this yourself).

Launch point questions that come to mind right now include:

• What/who lead you to believe in the prevalence of “she lied on me” situations in the first place?

• After watching this video, think of one “take” you had on a public SA situation where you deployed an assumption that you know now was wrong? Who did you roll out this excuse to?

• How many male athletes in your team room might be victims of sexual abuse (if you know now that 1 in 7 boys by the age of 18 will report experiencing it)?

These can lead to eye-opening, difficult realizations and conversations.

But there’s a secret power of creating space for them regularly with your team: Vulnerability is a CONNECTION POINT.

You want a team that is actually bonded in struggle and strife? You want players who can claim to “have my brother’s back”? Then stop thinking that happens by osmosis or simply because they sweated profusely together at practice.

Put them in spaces that require them to open up, to handle and process difficult emotions together, and to share truths together. I’m not suggesting you have victims out themselves…but I am suggesting you ask the men in the room to ponder

“If you knew that 17 of us in this 100 person locker room were silently carrying that history, would you still tell the jokes and laugh at the headlines the way you are now?”

That’s the work.

Coach Prompts

• Who taught you to fear false allegations more than sexual violence—and what evidence have you ever demanded for that fear?

• What jokes, headlines or conversations happen differently in your locker room if you assume someone present may be silently carrying a history of sexual abuse?

• Are you building “brotherhood” through shared experiences alone, or actually giving your players practice processing difficult things together?

Player Prompts

• If you knew one of your teammates had experienced sexual violence but hadn't told anyone, what would you wish you had never joked about around him?

• What does “having my brother's back” require from you before you know what he's been through?

• Who taught you what to believe when someone says they experienced sexual violence—and have you ever examined whether they were right?