Humor Isn’t Harmless When It Reinforces Old Scripts

Today’s blog is in response to a quote from Texas A&M men’s basketball coach Bucky McMillian in a recent press conference, where he described his defensive philosophy as “mother-in-law defense”—constant nagging and harassment.

Let me be clear up front:

I love pressure basketball. I believe in defenses that dictate, that bother, that disrupt rhythm and timing. I’ve also been known to slide in a side quip or analogy myself to lighten a serious point. Humor can be a tool.

But I also know this: words matter.

Leader framing matters. Tone matters. And even when something is said in jest, it still reinforces a worldview.

The “mother-in-law” trope isn’t neutral. It’s rooted in old manbox scripts—ones that paint women (especially women asserting boundaries or advocating for their daughters) as inherently nagging, adversarial, or something to be endured. Underneath the joke is a familiar story: men vs. women, husbands vs. wives’ families, dominance vs. autonomy.

And here’s the thing—I don’t live that story.

I have a fantastic mother-in-law. There’s no battle. No power struggle. No constant conflict. Which tells me this framing isn’t universal truth—it’s a recycled stereotype.

I know the immediate response: “Kip, it’s just a joke.”

But intent doesn’t cancel impact.

If we truly believe that “no detail is too small” when it comes to winning games—footwork, spacing, language in the huddle—then we can’t suddenly wave off our own words as meaningless when they quietly reinforce harmful scripts.

We ask our athletes to be precise.

We ask them to be intentional.

We ask them to care about how they show up.

That standard has to apply to us too.

Coach Prompts

• Where have you used humor or shorthand that might reinforce stereotypes you don’t actually believe?

• What metaphors do you lean on most—and what worldview do they quietly carry?

• How do you balance being relatable with being responsible in your language?

Player Prompts

• When a coach or teammate makes a joke, how do you decide whether it’s harmless or harmful?

• Have you ever laughed along with something that didn’t sit right with you—why?

• What stereotypes do you hear repeated so often they start to feel “normal”?