IS THIS REALITY — OR A STORY YOU’VE BEEN TAUGHT TO BELIEVE?
Okay, today’s blog is a nuanced topic and probably requires you, the coach, to either know the maturity level of your group or give a disclaimer that the conversation will include sexual references and innuendo.
The clip above is of an unidentified young woman in a house (we have no idea if it’s hers or not) twerking to the camera for 10 seconds, under a caption claiming that “some NBA or NFL player will lose half his salary to this.”
I purposely included the first two comments because they reveal a type of misogyny and distrust of women that is very prevalent — not just among male athletes, but among the fans of male athletes as well.
The insinuation is clear:
Because she is attractive and can “shake her ass,” she must have already slept her way into that house, funded by some man she manipulated.
That belief system? It’s going to resonate in your team room. Honestly… it’s going to resonate with some of your staff too.
And yes — there are examples of relationships where a woman received significant money after a breakup or divorce with a high-earning athlete. Those examples are easy to find.
But they are not proof that this is the norm. They are not proof that your players should distrust all women. They are not proof that women are taught to deceive and take from men through sex. Those are tropes. And harmful ones.
Women should be allowed to be proud of their bodies.
Just like men are.
Women should be allowed to be sexual beings.
Just like men are.
And both should be held to the standard of a healthy relationship — one built on trust and understanding between the people actually in it.
This is a tough conversation to navigate. Because you are going to get hit with 100 versions of:
“Yeah, but…”
“What about…”
“Isn’t it true that…”
And layered on top of that, our young men have grown up with instant access to sexualized content. So it becomes very easy for them to believe:
“This is the norm.”
“This is what my girlfriend should be doing.”
“This is what I should be chasing.”
I’m not going to pretend that even after 15+ years of doing this work I would execute this conversation perfectly.
That’s not the point. Because this work is rarely black and white. There isn’t always a clean, comfortable line between right and wrong. There is a lot of gray here.
And creating the space for honest dialogue?
That’s just step one.
Coach Prompts
What assumptions did you immediately make watching this clip?
How often do conversations about women default to distrust in your team space?
How do you help players separate examples from norms?
Player Prompts
What did you assume about this woman when you first saw the clip?
Where do those assumptions come from?
Do viral clips show reality, or a version designed to get attention?
