Patriarchy’s Greatest Trick—and Why Coaches Must Call It Out

You know how much time we all spend as coaches watching film—the endless quest for more insight, more knowledge, and ultimately, the “cheat code” that’ll put our guys in the best position to succeed. Think back to that moment when you said, “There it is. That play. That clip. That’s what we need to beat next week’s opponent.” That feeling of discovery? That hit of clarity? It’s electric.

I think this clip from the AudaciTea Podcast (link) offers that same kind of moment—but for the way we coach men, not just how we coach the game.

It perfectly lays out the exact formula we’re fighting to unlearn in male spaces: patriarchy convinces men to hate femininity—and then attaches everything decent, empathetic, and emotionally fluent to that same femininity. Once that lie sets in, our young men don’t just reject women—they start rejecting their own potential for decency, patience, and compassion.

If you’ve ever asked, “Where do I even start with this TeamsOfMen work?” — start here.
This clip is film. It’s a breakdown of the system we’re up against. And if we want our guys to play the game of life with integrity and awareness, this has to be the film we study.

Coach Prompts

• When was the last time you taught your players that patience, empathy, and self-control were signs of strength—not weakness?

• How might your own discomfort with “feminine” traits show up in your coaching language?

• What messages about “being a man” are reinforced in your locker room without you realizing it?

• Do your players ever see you model emotional fluency—or only emotional control?

Player Prompts

• What’s something you’ve been told “real men don’t do”—and how has that belief shaped you?

• When you hear someone call empathy or vulnerability “soft,” what comes up for you?

• How do you know when a teammate is being real vs. performing toughness?

• If being decent and patient were considered signs of power, what would change in how you act?