The Long Way Back to the People Who Knew You First

Today’s blog is in response to Coach Christ Horton sending me the song “Safety” by J. Cole, off his new album The Fall Off, with one simple text attached:

“Serious Character Development in this.”

Coach Horton—Head Men’s Basketball Coach at Warren Wilson College—is a longtime TeamsOfMen executor. If he sends me a prompt, I’m listening. And this one landed immediately.

Now, J. Cole may not be your brand of music as a coach—but he is known in your team room. More importantly, he’s a tremendous lyricist. And even if you never play this song out loud for your players, the lyrics alone are worth sitting with.

This song is about male friendship.

About time and distance.

About the paths life pulls us down—and the quiet question of whether we can ever find our way back to the people who once made us feel safe.

It’s about the comfort of the known—the people who knew us before the world did.

And it’s about the pain that comes with realizing we’ve hurt people we love… and waited too long to say it out loud.

There’s protection in this song.

There’s grief.

There’s regret.

There’s accountability that doesn’t arrive clean or perfect—but arrives honestly.

What makes this song especially useful in a TeamsOfMen space is that it gives language to things young men often feel but rarely articulate:

• Missing someone without knowing how to reach back out

• Loving people you’ve drifted from

• Carrying guilt for who you used to be

• Wanting safety without knowing how to ask for it

Much like how an early J. Cole song, “Foldin Clothes,” became a powerful entry point for reflection at a past TeamsOfMen Active Agents Summit (thanks to Jeff Matsushita’s suggestion), “Safety” can be another bridge.

Not a lecture. Not a sermon. A bridge.

One that invites your guys to reflect on who they feel safe with…

Who they’ve lost touch with…

And who they might still owe honesty to.

Coach Prompts

• Who were the people that made your players feel safe before success, status, or expectations showed up?

• How often do we make space for grief, regret, and reconnection in male development work?

• What does “accountability” look like when it’s quiet, emotional, and relational—not public or performative?

Player Prompts

• Who in your life makes you feel safe to be honest—even when you’ve messed up?

• Is there someone you’ve drifted from that you wish you could talk to again? What’s stopping you?

• What does “coming home” mean to you—literally or emotionally?