Untethering Tough Guys
MMA is not my jam. I don’t watch UFC. That being said, Dana White is someone I’m aware of.
But Dana White is not someone I look up to or look forward to hearing from. Add in the context that this conversation took place on Katie Miller’s podcast and I’m honestly surprised I even pressed play on it. (Miller, of course, is the wife of current Trump administration operative Stephen Miller, an overt racist white nationalist.)
This conversation is full of Manbox-infused thinking and you’ll recognize a number of familiar tropes from White’s mini-rant about “men’s mental health culture”:
“I hate this mental health bullshit.”
“You’re the man, the provider, you are the one who takes care of your family.”
“[Soft] is unattractive to other males, let alone women.”
These quotes — complete with Miller snickering in the background — are a testimony to the fight we face untethering “tough guys” from the Manbox.
White, the epitome of “tough” to millions of UFC fans, is parroting the usual rigid beliefs about masculinity while simultaneously appearing completely unaware that he is supporting the idea that men are constantly performing for the approval of OTHER MEN.
That dichotomy is what makes all of this so perilous.
In order to “be a real man,” you have to dance for other “real men,” who are in turn performing for you, all while the stakes keep escalating for what the man-badge-earning deed of the day is. It’s a vicious cycle. And eventually you get someone like White claiming that admitting “today was a bad day” is not only weak, but unattractive.
Huh?
What’s the capper in all this? He says, “You are the example for your kids.”
And he couldn’t be more right about that.
The issue is that what he models — and what so many men believe they should model too — is harmful for both the boys and girls we are raising.
Coach Prompts
How often do boys and men perform toughness primarily to avoid judgment from other men?
What messages about vulnerability are reinforced in your team spaces without anyone explicitly saying them?
When athletes hear “be a man,” what behaviors are actually being rewarded?
Player Prompts
Have you ever felt pressure to act tougher, colder, or less emotional around other boys?
Why do you think vulnerability is often mocked more by men than by women?
What kind of man do you want younger kids watching you become?
