What Happens When It's Your Colleague?
I really wish we had access to (or could rework the algorithms for) feeds on X or IG or LinkedIN that showed more examples of male athletes engaging in unlearning the manbox and reimagining what a healthy manhood could be. Instead, what we get—because of both the algorithms and the sheer volume of harmful behavior—is an endless stream of examples where sports fail to teach the life lessons we claim they do.
Today’s post falls in that category, as a fantastic new account on IG we discovered (@notallclubs) posted the above slides about a recent event where once again a coach was not the interruptor of nonsense, but instead an active participant in it. As you read through the slides, don't picture your own program. Picture the athletic department you work in. Maybe it's another coach. Maybe it's someone in another sport. Maybe it's someone you've respected for years. BUT, if some other coaching colleague at your HS or your university committed this act, then apologized to his own players instead of the women he allegedly harmed, what would you expect to happen to them?
Maybe even a better question to chew on from this is “How would I react if it was a friend of mine? What would I tell my own staff? How would I approach this topic with my team?” because if any of those answers involve sanitizing of what he did, or both sidesing nonsense that lets you stay neutral somehow, I want you to check yourself. That is not you building a “culture of excellence”…it’s you creating an environment of at best ignorance and at worst complicity.
Coach Prompts
If a coach in your own athletic department engaged in harmful behavior, what response would align with the values you say your program holds?
Are there situations where loyalty to a colleague can quietly become complicity?
What message do your players receive when they watch adults decide who deserves accountability and who deserves protection?
Player Prompts
Why do you think it's often harder to hold friends accountable than strangers?
If someone apologizes to the people who support them but not to the people they harmed, what does that communicate?
When people talk about "team culture," what actions actually prove that culture exists?
Run Your Program's System Audit: You wouldn't let your team run a game without a scout, but most programs leave their systemic accountability entirely to chance. If reading this makes you wonder what invisible scripts are running in your own department's locker rooms, don't guess at it.
Click here to run a quick system alignment audit on your program.
