Would They Think It Was Random?
Unless you’ve been purposely trying to avoid social media the past 72 hours, you have been exposed to posts and information about what is being called the “Cornell 7”.
I will let you read and digest the information regarding seven current and former members of Cornell’s Chi Phi fraternity who were named as defendants in a high-profile civil lawsuit filed in September 2026 regarding an alleged October 2024 sexual assault at the fraternity house in Ithaca, New York.
I will let you read and digest the allegations that a young woman was drugged and sexually assaulted over the course of hours, and that during the alleged assault a message announcing “free p***y” upstairs was sent to a fraternity group chat.
I will let you read and digest the university’s response, the lawsuit’s allegation that the men were offered an opportunity to mitigate their conduct by writing essays, and the fact that NOW, in 2026, the criminal investigation has been reopened.
Then I will ask you to ponder a very simple question:
“If I was going to text this out to my own players, whether that be with a 'FYI’ or a ‘Don’t be these guys’ theme, WOULD THEY THINK IT RANDOM for me to be talking about this with them?”
If you’re answer to that question is “Yes”…
Then you are not building the life skills in your program that you think you are.
Then you have not given them any preparation for a moment like this that arises in their life (getting the text, hearing the rumors, BEING IN THAT ROOM)
Then you are simply letting “dealer’s choice” be the prevention model in your program.
I say this as someone who, despite being 13 years into coaching with the idea that reducing the rates of sexual assault and gender violence committed by men requires intentional programming that helps young men identify and escape the Manbox, is usually loathe to say “Look what I did.”
It usually doesn’t work. It usually leads to defensiveness in other coaches. And doing the work the way we do with TeamsOfMen does not come with a “our guys will always be angels” guarantee.
BUT, when the Cornell 7 news dropped, I could (and did) text a number of past players (both graduated and IN college, some in frats) about the topic without them being shocked to hear from me.
When the Cornell 7 news dropped, I could (and did) draw upon past convos, sessions, and programming they had been exposed to and say “You have the skills to ensure your space, your team, your FRAT now does not do this. You have the voice and the training to do this.”
What if…all coaches could say this to their male athletes (current and past)?
What if…all coaches had sent a legion of men out into the world who would not only never think to drug or sexually assault a woman at a party…but who would also have the courage to report a text announcing something like this to someone who could intervene immediately, instead of simply remaining silent?
What if…all coaches had spent intentional time, during the years when they had a platform with their players, on things like victim advocacy and reimagining what “brotherhood” means?
What if….
NOTE: The clip I posted above with this blog is NOT directly related to the Cornell 7, but is an amazing scene from “Promising Young Woman” that plays out a college administrator vs.* victim’s advocate conversation that one can imagine playing out in ways that lead to institutional failures like the ones alleged in the Cornell lawsuit.
Coach Prompts
If you texted your players about the Cornell allegations today, would they understand why YOU were the person sending it—or would it feel completely random?
What have you actually practiced with your players that prepares them for getting the text, hearing the rumor, or BEING IN THAT ROOM?
If one of your former players encountered something like this tonight, what previous conversation with you could he draw upon to decide what to do next?
Player Prompts
If a message suggesting a woman was sexually available appeared in one of your group chats, what would you actually do next?
What does “brotherhood” require when protecting another person means challenging or reporting one of your own?
Who have you identified in your life that you could contact immediately if you witnessed or learned about potential sexual violence and didn’t know what to do?
