Stop Pretending Your Players Haven’t Heard This
First of all, as a coach you CAN USE this screengrab in the next film session (it’s already edited).
So let’s throw that excuse that I hear from coaches a lot (“Man, I’m not getting in trouble with these parents for putting up nasty -ish") out the window.
Next, the original carousel post on IG from @uofucvp is already broken down into a “lesson plan”-like roll out by the University of Utah’s McCluskey Center for Violence Prevention.
So you can’t tell me “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this.” It’s already laid out for you.
Finally, these sexual scripts are LITERALLY what are being taught to your male athletes (whether you have them in HS or College) and what’s worse? They are ACTING in lockstep with them (especially in the absence of any counter programming from you and other trusted men in their lives).
I know, I know.
My tone today is not “best practices” approved. I’m supposed to meet everyone where they are. I’m supposed to invite coaches into the work. I’m supposed to recognize the angst and worry associated with the discomfort and hesitancy of coaches who have not dipped their toes in violence prevention before.
I’m not in that space today. I choose to shake you awake today.
When I tell you I don’t have to click on more than one or two social media sites each morning and scroll ONE SCREEN down before I find an example of men causing harm with their words, their hands or their sheer indifference due to Manbox influence, I mean it is almost INSTANTANEOUS. It’s exhausting. And today is a day (and a ready to use post that doesn’t need hand holding) that you can be a big kid and DO THE WORK.
I mean look at this post from a man on Reddit and tell me you can’t envision one of your players (or your staff) holding the belief that this is 100% the way to roll
I’ve been in rooms deploying similar examples and sat through the awkward laughs and silence that follows you saying “How many of you or dudes in your circle would co sign this as a thought they’ve had?”
I’ve been in the cars and rooms where friend groups ask for validation of their own “game” when it comes to convincing an unwilling woman for some sexual favor.
And if we’re being honest so have you.
The question is whether they’ve been handed the same script—and whether anyone they trust is helping them rewrite it.
Coach Prompts
When one of your athletes hears “I don’t know” during a sexual encounter, what has he been taught that those words require from him?
What sexual scripts are your players absorbing from friends, porn, social media and older men—and where is the counter programming coming from?
If your answer is “my guys know better,” what have you actually done with them that gives you evidence for that belief?
Player Prompts
In the Reddit example, what do you think the guy believes his job is once she says “I don’t know”?
Where do guys learn the idea that being good at “rizz” means turning hesitation into a yes?
What could a healthier script sound like when someone you’re interested in isn’t clearly communicating that they want the same thing you do?
