I follow a lot of smart people (yes, probably in some vain attempt to become one of them someday).
Dr. Stephanie Wescott's October 19th IG post, sharing research on misogyny in educational settings, framed something perfectly that I (and I'd imagine a lot of you reading) have lived. Namely, the idea that in our roles in the classroom (and by natural extension, on the court/field), we are somehow supposed to remain neutral to the political world we inhabit AND that our players live in. It is an impossible ask. And as the research Wescott shares explores, institutional responses to these experiences can amount to a form of gaslighting.
When you are faced (especially women in education) directly with the words, beliefs and actions of all the -isms that young men may bring into your space (racism, sexism, misogyny, etc.), you cannot remain neutral. It requires you to confront, interrupt and work to eradicate them. And that responsibility isn't solely about the harm YOU experience. It's also about the OTHER kids/players/students in the vicinity who are bathing in the effects of those things left unchecked. OR watching and learning from your modeling of what it looks like to put them down.
This is non-negotiable. But it can also PUT YOUR JOB IN PERIL.
Because there will be folks who decide that you should just wear it. Maybe out of fear of legal backlash from the person responsible (or their family). Maybe because they agree with the behavior. Or maybe because they've convinced themselves that confronting the harm is somehow just as bad as the harm itself.
And to those folks worried about "I could be fired," I would say this: If responding to oppression IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR SPACE, is going to put your job at risk, we need to seriously question why that is a place any educator should be expected to remain. I recognize that walking away isn't a financial reality for everyone. But that makes the institutional failure even more damning. We're asking educators to protect kids while refusing to protect the educators willing to do it.
We have to stop thinking we can change things without getting dirty. That we can simply "nice" our way to better. That belief is a fairy tale, and the inaction that follows it can be as damaging as the harm it ignores. Standing up for the marginalized, interrupting a toxic joke, holding a player accountable for misogyny, removing someone from your roster when their actions warrant it...those are the prices of claiming that you oppose the Tates and Claviculars of the world. You cannot remain comfortably adjacent to the work. You MUST be a leader of action.
Because here's what I think we're missing: The manosphere isn't neutral. It isn't passively waiting for young men to figure out what they believe. It is actively telling them who to be, how to behave, how to treat women and what power and manhood are supposed to look like. Its instructions are VERY CLEAR. VERY EXPLICIT.
And what are we offering in response? A long, passive examination of what our supposed "neutrality" means? While we deliberate whether speaking up is too political, someone else is teaching our players exactly what to say, what to believe and what to do. Our silence isn't competing with that instruction. It's making room for it. And the young people in our spaces are learning from BOTH.
Coach Prompts
When have you witnessed harmful language or behavior in your team space and hesitated to intervene? What influenced that hesitation, and what did your players learn from your response?
If confronting racism, misogyny or other forms of harm put you at odds with a parent, administrator or influential community member, what would you be willing to risk? Where would you draw the line?
What explicit actions, expectations and consequences have you established to counter the messages your players receive from the manosphere? Would your players be able to name them?
Player Prompts
Agree, Disagree or Unsure: When a coach hears a racist or sexist joke and says nothing, they're teaching the team that the joke is acceptable.
Who is giving young men clearer instructions about how to act today: the influencers they follow online or the adults who coach and teach them? What makes you say that?
If one of your best teammates repeatedly mistreated women or used racist language, what would accountability look like? Would your answer change if holding him accountable meant losing games?
