You’re Partner Is Not A Vending Machine

I’ve tried to keep the 30-Second Timeout space focused almost exclusively on framing current sports moments — players, coaches, teams, pro and college.

But this one was too good not to use.

Why?

Because you have players in your program (and coaches on your staff… and if we’re being honest, maybe even you) who would read the original post and think:

“Hmm, that seems pretty reasonable.”

or

“I’ve thought that way myself.”

The idea being: if we’re going on [insert trip / date / vacation] together, of course sex is part of the deal — otherwise why go?

And I think the highlighted reply is the exact smack in the face many of us need as men.

A relationship cannot be reduced to a physical transaction.

What we plan, pay for, or arrange in terms of “quality time” with a partner cannot exist solely as a down payment for sexual access later. And if that’s how we’re thinking — even quietly — it’s worth naming the manbox trappings we’ve fallen into.

This shows up everywhere.

For a high school coach, it might be players who believe buying dinner and a movie earns them some level of physical “payback.”

For a college coach, it might be players in longer-term relationships who start thinking, “Things were way hotter when we first got together… now I’m bored.”

This moment — and that response — can spark real conversations about what relationships actually require beyond novelty, access, or entitlement.

Because intimacy isn’t owed. Bodies aren’t rewards.

And being partnered with someone means seeing them as a person — not a service that’s temporarily “out of order.”

Coach Prompts

• Where do you see transactional thinking show up in how young men talk about dating or relationships?

• Have you ever heard players imply that money, effort, or time should guarantee physical intimacy?

• How do we create space to challenge this thinking without shaming or lecturing?

Player Prompts

• What’s the difference between planning time with someone and expecting something in return?

• Where did you first learn the idea that sex “comes with” effort or money?

• How would your thinking change if intimacy was viewed as mutual choice, not payoff?