Before Somebody Needs Protecting
I met the author of the post above (on IG @Professor_Neil ) in Hamilton, Ontario when I presented at MentorAction “Rewriting The Playbook” conference in 2025. His content is so refreshing AND applicable as he almost always stitches himself into a video that is trending online and gives well informed, often scientifically backed takedowns of the bullshit being spewed (and you know I am here for a good intellectual smackdown).
So, I was not surprised to see him use his considerable platform to pushback against the woman’s video above (where, without spoiling the entire thing, she claims her girls trip was marred by a lack of being around “masculine” men who could protect her if the scene went sideways).
As Neil points out, research on bystander intervention complicates the hell out of this idea that MEN = PROTECTORSand women should feel safer simply because “masculine” men are nearby. Women frequently report greater willingness to intervene, depending on the situation and type of intervention, while men aren't automatically stepping into the protector role we've culturally assigned them.
Why share this here in our 30 seconds space?
Not because I want you training a legion of Batmen in your program (that could actually lend itself to creating an unhealthy ownership of and white knight syndrome in your guys).
But because I want them to sit and reflect/process the imaginary scene the woman describes, and where they are currently likely to find themselves in it.
“If I’m at a party…or I’m at a club...”
Who am I with in this scene?
What are we doing?
What are we TRYING to do?
With who?
“If things ‘popped off’ in this scene…”
What is likely the REASON for escalation?
Who said something?
What did something?
What happened in the five minutes before it got physical?
“Is it more likely I could stop this from happening via prevention or reaction like a superhero?”
What would prevention look like and deal with?
Who would I need to say something to?
How early would I need to say it?
Protection doesn't have to begin when somebody throws a punch.
Hell, if that's when your guys believe their responsibility begins, we've probably started teaching this way too late.
You might even find yourself leaning into a conversation about the mindset difference between the woman in this video—who seems to be reinforcing some pretty traditional Manbox ideology through her desire for a “masculine” protector—and perhaps women in your players' own lives.
What do their moms tell them? Their sisters? Their girlfriends? Their female friends?
What actually makes those women feel safe around men?
There are GREAT conversations to be had from this.
Don’t shy away from them.
Coach Prompts
When you talk about men “protecting” women, are your players imagining prevention—or primarily physical confrontation?
Have you given your guys actual reps recognizing the moments BEFORE a situation becomes dangerous?
Would your players be more comfortable fighting a stranger for a woman or checking their own teammate whose behavior is making her uncomfortable?
Player Prompts
Would it be easier for you to confront a stranger who threatened a woman or YOUR BOY who was making her uncomfortable? Why?
Think about a party where something eventually “pops off.” What decisions probably happened in the 10 minutes BEFORE the fight?
Ask a woman you trust what men do that actually makes her feel safer. Is her answer what you expected?
Believing you would protect someone is not the same as being prepared to make the decisions that might keep them from needing protection in the first place.
