Show Them What to Do With It

Today’s blog features a tremendous post from @mark.brackett on instagram (see above). This one fits perfectly in this space because after parents and peers, who is better positioned to model for boys what it looks like to move through the world while feeling?

Think about how often young men are on practice fields, in gyms, or in the weight room with a coach present. In those moments, whether it’s intentional or not, something is being shown about how to interact with the world while holding whatever emotion is there.

That’s the part I think gets missed.

TeamsOfMen exists, in part, to open coaches’ eyes to the fact that how they show up each day is not neutral. It’s an input. Over time, those inputs shape how young men carry themselves, how they respond, and how they understand what it means to be a man.

If you take the Mirror Training concept seriously, it doesn’t just change what you say. It starts to affect how you move. There’s a level of consistency that has to come with that. When it’s real, players feel it.

One thing I would add to Brackett’s point is that modeling alone isn’t always enough. We also have to name what’s happening while it’s happening. That can be as simple as saying out loud what you’re carrying and how you’re choosing to handle it.

I’ve tried to lean into that at times:

“Fellas, let me say up front I’m having a rough day. I’m going to do my best to not let that affect how I coach today.”

Or:

“I’m feeling the same stress and worry about what happened as you guys are. I don’t feel like screaming about layups today. How are you feeling?”

It’s not about making the moment bigger than it needs to be. It’s about making the process visible. Because if we don’t show them what to do with a feeling once it shows up, they’re going to find their own way. And we don’t always get to choose where they learn that from.

Coach Prompts

• What are your players learning from how you handle your emotions day to day?

• Where might your actions be contradicting what you’re asking from your team?

• How often do you make your thought process visible in real time?

• What would it look like to be more intentional about what you’re modeling?

Player Prompts

• What have you learned about handling emotions from the adults around you?

• How do you usually respond when something doesn’t go your way?

• What does it look like to stay present without ignoring what you’re feeling?

• Who in your life shows you how to handle difficult moments well?