The Mirror Turned on Me

This post (originally put up by @theequalityinstitute on Instagram) scared me.

Not because I disagree with it, but because it forced me to sit with a question I haven't been able to shake.

Is TeamsOfMen vulnerable to the very trap Dr. Stephanie Wescott is warning those of us working in the "anti"-Manbox space to avoid?

Is my launching so many teams into conversations about emotional fluency, self-reflection, and mental health inadvertently positioning inequality—and the misogyny that can flow from it—as primarily a male suffering issue? Am I falling down the Richard Reeves spiral?

My God...what if there's truth in that?

That's where I sit today.

I know we gain more access to teams when we frame this work around "unlocking better men" or helping boys "feel all the feels" than when we lead with the original impetus: helping ensure your boys keep their damn hands to themselves. The political realities of America in 2026 have only amplified that. If we want this work to exist in many communities, we often have to sanitize session titles to secure contracts.

But if, as Dr. Wescott writes, "...most people who experience hardship do not become sexist, abusive, or violent," then am I centering boys' pain in ways that unintentionally move the conversation away from the harm some boys cause?

Her line that keeps echoing in my head is this:

"When this happens, misogyny becomes something to empathise with rather than something to challenge."

That's a sentence I can't afford to dismiss simply because it makes me uncomfortable.

Do I think that's what TeamsOfMen has become?

No.

But I do think it's a question serious enough that I owe it more than a defensive response. Mirror Training doesn't work if I only ask other people to step in front of it. If there's even a chance that our framing could unintentionally shift attention away from accountability and toward explanation, then I have an obligation to examine it.

I don't have a definitive answer today.

But I also refuse to look away from the mirror simply because I might not like what I find.

Coach Discussion Prompts

• How do we support boys without excusing harmful behavior?

• Where's the line between explaining behavior and diminishing accountability?

• When was the last time a critique made you reconsider your own coaching philosophy?

Player Discussion Prompts

• Can understanding why someone acts a certain way coexist with holding them accountable?

• What's the difference between empathy and excuse-making?

• Why is it important to question your own beliefs, even when they're tied to work you're proud of?