What If He Tells You First?
Full disclosure (without sharing the personal experience of past players and family members) I’ve walked alongside folks experiencing both sides of online sexual exploitation. I been trusted with the agony of the one whose body images are being used to blackmail and I’ve heard the reactions when unsolicited pics are suddenly sent. Both experiences are layered, confusing, emotion laced situations.
I share the above article from Amanda Goharian on LinkedIN because I think coaches-especially coaches of male athletes-need to save it. Not because Amanda wrote it for our industry (it’s actually for mother’s of children) but precisely because when a male athlete is living through this, you could be the very first person they confide in. And in that moment, you want to be able to help.
As we do when prepping for any game on our schedule, we want to have the clearest picture possible of the challenges our opponent presents. An athlete living through online sexual exploitation is obviously far more consequential than any game, but the need to prepare before you're in it still applies.
I want you to read the article entirely, but here’s a couple heavy takeaways to start your “scouting report”:
Reporting the exploitation and supporting the person being exploited are two different jobs.
The first adult response can either reduce or compound the harm.
“Here’s a number—call it” isn't necessarily support.
Whichever one of those makes you feel the most uneasy is where you should begin your prep work and exploration of resources and best practices.
You can also reach out to me privately. I’m more willing to share details of my own experiences one-on-one than I am here on a very public blog. Remember, while we know and embrace the power of story to connect with one another, if it’s not OUR story to tell, a public forum can be a very hurtful place to share someone else’s experience—even when we mean well.
When we sign on to be the coach of male athletes, we have to recognize all that encompasses, especially in the technology-rich environment that is 2026. There are perils and risks associated with simply being 16–22 years old right now that did not exist when we were young coaches, much less when we were players. Our work requires us to stay current with trends in the games we coach AND—as TeamsOfMen will forever champion—stay up to speed with what faces the human beings in our care as well.
Coach Prompts
If an athlete told you today that intimate images were being used to blackmail them, would you know what to do in the first 30 minutes?
Who in your school or athletic department is equipped to help you respond to online sexual exploitation—and do you know how to reach them before you need them?
What topics affecting your athletes are you currently less prepared for than you would accept being for an opponent on your schedule?
Player Prompts
If you or a teammate were being threatened or blackmailed with intimate images, which adults would you trust enough to tell?
What would an adult need to say or do in the first few minutes for you to feel supported rather than judged?
If a teammate came to you with something this serious, would you know how to help them get to a trusted adult without trying to handle it yourself?
Situations like this are exactly why we created the TeamsOfMen Decision Confidence Analysis™ (DeCA). It doesn't test whether you know how to respond to every challenge your athletes might face. It examines something bigger: how much intentional prevention infrastructure actually exists around the young people in your care.
If this article has you wondering what your team, program, or athletic department has intentionally put in place beforesomething happens, take the free DeCA and find out.
