What Makes This Conversation So Hard?
Over the decade plus of this TeamsOfMen work, pornography remains an “ever present taboo”, both in person and in writing.
It’s there (hell, it might be everywhere). Parents, coaches, players all KNOW it’s there.
But, to this day in 2026, it is not something those three groups want, think about, or even attempt to discuss together.
The study (click on image) above is from a joint venture between Equimundo & Harmony Labs. The recently released report examines how U.S. men engage with pornography, using observed online behavior rather than relying solely on what men say about their consumption. Researchers examined the online activity of approximately 300,000 adult panelists between June and December 2025. It was sent to me by our partners at PMY.
I don’t want to ruin your actual engagement with their work, so I’m not going to list out findings in a bullet point list today. Instead, I thought I’d present these questions to you that will both encourage you to go read the report yourself AND grapple with what its findings mean to your relationship with porn AND your players.
First of all, when you read the first few sentences of this blog, what IMMEDIATE pain points did you feel? What were the self-talk “We can’t do that because…” thoughts in your head? I’m not even challenging the validity of those, but I am asking you to think of solutions to them.
Second, WHO did you picture right away in your mind as “the audience” for this study? If and when you read it, what person or staff or team did you visualize going over it with? I would lean into that gut feeling and find a way to get this information to them and, if you have the power, create a space for intentional dialogue about it.
Finally, what DOUBTS did you have about the takeaways from the study's authors? Did you find yourself saying “Man, I don’t believe that” to certain bullet points or paragraphs? Reflect on the WHY or HOW or WHAT of your pushback to the work, because if YOU, as the coach and adult whose lived experience far outweighs that of your players, have those hesitations, how does that inform what you think you will encounter in the rooms where you talk about this study?
I believe taking intentional time to go over these three very specific self-interrogations about this study will put you in a much better mindset AND help you do the actual preparation necessary to hold some version of a forum on it.
Because if we aren't willing to examine our own discomfort, assumptions and doubts about pornography, how prepared are we to help young men examine theirs?
Coaching Prompts
When was the last time you intentionally created space for your players to ask questions about pornography, sexuality or the messages they receive about intimacy?
What specific concerns would prevent you from facilitating a conversation about pornography with your team, and which of those concerns could be addressed through preparation or collaboration?
Who in your program or school is best equipped to help facilitate these conversations, and have you actually invited them to do so?
Player Prompts
Where have you learned most of what you believe about sex, intimacy and relationships, and how confident are you that those sources have taught you accurately?
What makes conversations about pornography uncomfortable among teammates, coaches or parents?
How do you decide whether something you see in pornography represents a healthy or realistic expectation for an actual relationship?
